Monday, April 20, 2009

Lake Superior Sectionals


Wisconsin Sectionals
Traditionally, the beginning of the College Series is always awesome for the Hodags, and this weekend was no different. Hours of practicing zone in the horrid conditions of the Midwest plains had thoroughly prepared Madison for this tournament. First up was Beloit and the Hodags took the line entirely clad in nickname tailored costumes. It was a sight to behold with the music raging as Hippie Biker Adam Drew’s grizzled hair, handlebar mustache, and ripped jeans dominated for the 1-0 lead. Safety First Tour de France Jimmy Foster skied for D and lost his helmet when he scored 2-0. David Bowie made an appearance with skintight white spank me pants and a lionesque Mohawk mane, scaring most bystanders. Beloit was intimidated by the strangeness of the situation for about two points before realizing that Wisconsin was obviously screwing around. There was no wind to speak of as several blades and strong catches moved the score to 5-4. After the fourth score, Wisconsin began getting fired up about not playing hard defense. “We always play Defense!” screamed Tom Annen, who was adorning his best CUT apparel, with matching wrist/armbands and ripped sleeveless. The Hodags began doling out push-ups if your man caught an under pass, and then DP slamming from alumni Chris Doede if they were scored upon. This rampage style of defensive intensity propelled Wisconsin to a 15-8 win, dominating the down the stretch after almost relenting half. Adam “Straight Booze” Drews made it known that Hodags don’t have fun, ever, and when they do, it is only because they are murdering the other team… The long bye round gave the Hodags ample time to obtain a grill, thus cooking brats and hot dogs during the afternoon sun interim. Chris Doede continues to pour hate into the Hodags playing 500, while Hector travels to the far fields, helping the Pimpdags win before a quick round of disc golf. It seemed that Whitewater was organized enough to host Regionals, but did not manage to submit a correct roster to the UPA, thus getting disqualified from the College Series immediately.
Practice Winning Everyday was the mantra for the second pool play game against Steven’s Point. John Bergen was ripping scoobers with his full suit coat and Gaynor was dropping discs whenever possible, looking like a soon to be Wisconsin alumni. Feldman was looking absolutely ridiculous with a low cut top and swirly skirt, much hotter than MILF Cullen, complete with fake boobs and miniskirt. Simmons was gaining fantasy points with 3 take downs in the first half, before Muffnuts pinned Cinnabuns, straight with his singlet on 8-5. BananaHat Armstrong was making plays as this game ended in a rout 15-8. The Pimpdags had secured a birth into semifinals as BellaDonna dominated the women’s field, barely scored upon.
The Alumni presence over the weekend, complete with Fat Bill Lokke and Mabrowald appearances at the fields. K-Federation also got into the action, full out tackling Jimmy Foster as he held the mark, giving up a huck goal – causing Adam Drews to spike his wig in protest. MSoE wasn’t putting up much a fight in quarterfinals as the 4th pizza pass over the head was dropped or D’d. Monster Masler was dressed complete with the troll gem as his Troll Sullivan costume was absolutely hideous. Mario Smart was showcasing a perfect mustache as Hillbilly Pearce was scoring goals despite rolling up the pant legs of his oversized over-alls. The game ended quickly at 15-3 and allowed the Hodags to move to Hector and Riley’s birthday celebration at casa de Valdivia. The delicious mounds of food caused many Hodags to stay up late in full fledge celebratatory moods. Sunday was rainy and chilly – leaning towards miserable playing conditions. Wisconsin served up Eau Claire in semifinals 15-8 and put down Marquette in the finals 15-7. Jimmy Foster twittered for a moment that Wisconsin lost to Whitewater in finals, putting Tripoli into frenzy. Wisconsin’s game plan was to consistently get breaks one at a time as opposed to the huge runs used to dominate on Saturday. The Pimpdags qualified for Regionals, taking down the 5th spot, allowing one more week before Regionals in Northfield. The Hodags will need to focus on mental concentration to take down the #1 bid from the Central, facing Carleton in finals no doubt on next Sunday morning. However, with the format and 4 bids, Wisconsin will only need to win 3 games and qualify for finals to earn a bid to Nationals. Team meetings, pasta parties, and last minute chalk talks all encompass the weekdays before the battle rages for the #3 seed at Nationals. The alumni game is set for May 2nd at UBAY and the final stretch of the ultimate season is upon us! In other news, the Hodags obviously need a new media/results coordinator and could potentially use a technical video nerd to finish up the documentary which is in the pre-final stages of a completed timeline! However, Morfin’s request for a Time Turner was denied by the Department of Mysteries… Lastly, 5th year Captain Jimmy Foster is Wisconsin’s Callahan nominee!

4 comments:

Henry said...

I would like to point out that the score of the Beloit game was 15-9, not 15-8. And you forgot to mention when one of our players spiked a disc on (I think) Davidman and yelled "did I foul you that time? No, you're too slow!" That was definitely the classiest play of the game.
-Henry
#2 Beloit

El Odioso SeƱor said...

Classier than broheem's (nonexistent)costume.

Definitely not a foul the first time either.

-Ben
Captain, Beloit

Bww said...

"and then DP slamming from alumni Chris Doede if they were scored upon."

either DP means something different to you, or the whodags out slutted the Slutdags......

wow.

Anonymous said...

I dont think the hodags care much about what they did to you. The score of the game was insignificant. You still LOST.