Monday, April 20, 2009
Huck Finn 2008
Wisconsin was able to practice outside in the muddy rainy windy conditions that is the Central only a few times before heading to Missouri. The workouts had intensified since SB2K9 as well as the urgency at practice. The schedule looked solid and challenging as the Hodags brought everybody but freshman powerhouse Jerry.
Old Man Crumb awakes to thoughts of earning a TMF (Too Much Fun) and the possibility of the finding the fields. It was a rough start to the morning as Feldman immediately jumped into the only bathroom first, insisting upon locking the door, not allowing anyone else inside for hours. Cullen was looking most chipper despite the continental breakfast consisting of 3 boxes of donuts, coffee, and a gallon replica OJ. It would be an interesting day no doubt. Wisconsin played grab-ass with Colorado on the van ride passing to the fields, which were highly anticipated to be awesome. However, the fields were actually yellow... but still soft with some recent moisture. Iowa was first on the docket and it was a mild 45 degrees, but getting windier with every passing moment. The Hodags were getting up to speed in warm-ups and Benji was an obvious firestarter as the contest commenced. 5th year super senior Tom Animal was opening up can's of whoop ass left and right - dishing out three straight breaks to start 3-0. Tom Murray was obviously ready to own the skies, going up huge for the first two scores, buffering his accolades of owning nearly the entire UPA Starting 7. Meanwhile, Matt Crumb swoops up a catch with a huge dive and pizza tosses the disc over his head, making Davidman jealous. It was not all fun and games as midfield turns resulted in a breaks as Alter and Masler were caught with their pants down deep, as Iowa brought the score closer at 3-2. Playing most unclutch at the precise moments, Wisconsin coughed up the lead 3-4 as Iowa gained momentum. Hector began whispering advice to Darth Klane, whose eyes glowed a murderous red. Jon Gaynah! rocketed a huge backhand allowing Murda to savagely sky n spike the disc, severing Diablo's pinky toe 4-4. Jake Smart is soo pumped up to see Patsy go down hard, he jerks it deep for the Hollywood speed show 5-4. Iowa steadies the ship with big shots and ruthless breaks 5-5. Adam Drews rockets a lazer flick to Gaynor for the awkward catch 6-5. Old Man Young wanted more and took in a big toss from Mannywood 7-5 half.
The Hodags began the second half on Defense and needed to keep up the intensity. The turns were flowing freely and the Hodags liked their chances hucking swill to Pat Donovan who twice skied entire packs of would be defenders with both heels planted firmly to the turf. However, sloppy choppy calls ruined the game for a moment as Iowa held 7-6. It continues to be stop and go as Darth Klane bombs to Gaynor, finishing to Davidman 8-6. Madison was irritated to such an extent that it become time to murder. Even Cullen spikes his headband proclaiming what every Hodag was thinking, "Fudge 'em Bucky!" On the second under cut of the point, Geppert gets a nasty layout D and immediately jukes his man to the cone 9-6 Double Happiness! Wisconsin's energy escalates everything as Jake responds, "You are in a freaking dreamworld right now!" Simmons seizes his first chance with a sick nasty under layout bid, just scraping the disc, and Crumb makes it back-to-back layout attempts, snacking the D. Mannywood breaks again to Simmons for the lead 10-6. Iowa is staggering, but scores quickly on the wind change 10-7. The Offense begins taking unnecessary deep shots, turning the disc so many times you would have thought Feldman was on the field... The cap sounds and Iowa scores 10-8, making the game interesting. However, Wisco holds easily upwind and breaks to win as Hollywood Feldner rips a flick to Dan Park 12-8. Meanwhile, on showcase field number one, Colorado loses to Notre Dame in surprise move.
In the second round, it was Illinois ready to throw down. Like any decent Midwest town, the afternoon winds picked up considerably and rocked every swilly disc thrown into the atmosphere. The Offense begins the contest as Bjergies rips a nasty flick to Jimmy Foster for the Bam Hand Club Spike 1-0. Illinois works the disc patiently, almost scoring until Matt Young interjects for a goal line layout D, sticking out his tongue after ruthlessly making up several yards. Masler grips it and rips it for Crumbly Bumbbly for the diving catch Double Happiness 2-0. The Hodags are feeling good and even Hector commented, "Holy Shit, Crumb can get D's at will! AT WILL!" Meanwhile, Colorado was now battling Florida on showcase field #1, as Callahan Contender MacPhearSon Taylor gets the Brodman with a bigtime sky. The Hodags are running hard and playing physical defense right on the hip. The intensity is showing as Animal, Gaynor, Davidman, and J-Fo all get layout D's on the marathon point, but dismal execution allows Illinois to break back 2-2. Wisconsin holds on Offense as Murda runs down an errant pass and rips a nasty Huck to the Jizzler for the spike 3-2. Mannywood flexes his guns, flying in for a sick D snag and then finishing to Cullen for the break 4-2, all transpiring as Alter is "Lost in Space!" Benji manages two straight turns after another nasty T-Murda huck is called back and Geppert is so pissed he layout D's his dude under. The super soft call is made and Wisconsin turns on this kid like pack of ravenous Hodags! After the violence calms down, Darth Klane rips a goal to Jon Gaynor as Wisconsin leads 5-3. Illinois takes advantage of the lulling wind for a quick score and break 5-5 off a double Murda-Cullen mack D, swooped up garbage style. The down-wind break followed as Illinois led 6-5. The Offense struggled to move the disc in the worsening conditions and insult to injury, Gaynor is led straight into a head-on-head collision by Bergen and goes down to ruthless concussion. JImmy Foster is so pissed now, muttering murderous thoughts as he is forced to the sideline by fellow H.S. teammate Jake Smart, who proclaims, "Screw Gaynor, we don't need him!" The River Ganges is later seen stumbling and crying on the sideline muttering, "My teammates don't love me anymore." This was all the provocation Jake Needham'd as he ripped a laser bomb to Tomacide for the dirty-girl spike 6-6. Mannywood takes it to half by rocketing an upwind backhand to Ben Feldman for the halftime break 7-6.
The Hodags are pissed about not running hard, specifically Masler who strangles Zach Alter for a brief moment before regaining composure, only to begin screaming again! Summer League Ringer Matt Crumb brings back the love with a perfectly performed "Frieeeeeends Fooooorrrrrever!" Illinois doesn't like the sound of that and immediately jump kicks Crumb in the back on a sky ball, leaving Dr. Young very surly on the turf. AlterZone sees some 500 ball swill and attacks the pile, skying Pat and 4 other players as Wisconsin holds 8-7. However, the wind is overpowering as Illinois scores and breaks upwind to lead 9-8. The game stops for a moment as the Hodags gather kindling, brush, and a large black kettle, for which to sacrifice Ben Feldman's soul! Illinois watches aghast as Cullen and Animal savagely break off and devour Ben's throwing hand and subsequently, arm. After that mess is cleaned up, Wisconsin scores upwind as Manny hits Drews 9-9. The hard cap immediately sounds and it is universe point! Monster Masler suddenly appears apparates onto the line, eyes glowing red, as Foster's Dark Mark burned hot baby blue. Monster Jazzler Mazler was just overhead muttering, "I'm gonna rip this. I'm gonna rip this." The pull goes 12 seconds and 84 3/4 yards, smothering Illinois. Foster snacks on a hail mary turn and Crumb finishes to Tom Murray for the first pump 10-9 win. The final huddle is not a happy one as both Foster and Animal rip the Hodags for not running hard. "Run 110% on the field because we have fresh legs! Don't save yourself!" Meanwhile, Florida was playing Colorado right next door and had taken a big 11-6 lead on Mamabird. But Co stormed back and tied the game, sending it to universe. The Brodsman jacked a 500 ball and Florida wins as Mr. Smith is awarded the Best College Offense Award.
Wisconsin is set to play Georgia, who has struggled against the top tier opponents so far this year and was yet to play Colorado on the day. The Hodags begin on Offense with wide open lines - determined to make the legs count. An explosion of fun ensues as Darth Klane comes out hot, scoring off a low release Drews laser toss 1-0. The Defense is ready to work as Matt Crumb gets the first layout D. The Hodags break as Cullen rips upwind for the 2-0 break to Simmons for the accidental skip spike at the feet of a Georgia defender. Now on the showcase field, the GA player swoops up the disc and rips it 60 yards straight out the side of the end zone, down the hill, and into the nearby woods. Tensions rose interestingly and Cinnabuns was not ready to wrastle, strapping on his headgear and putting his grill in GA's face. It was so intense for one split moment that even Brodman limped over to offer his opinion. Hector is the peacemaker, settling the Hodags and urging them to play on. Animal is seen gripping a dagger and staring menacingly at the Jojah sideline. Jake Smart rips a sick nasty flick Boom Headshot to roommate Diablo Donovan who click click click sky'd 3-0. Georgia finally scores 3-1 and Lazer responds with his own version of a Pew Pew! Boom Headshot going full field for T-Murda skydom 4-1. Georgia burns a timeout and gets it together - scoring and breaking twice as Adam Drews accidentally nails Freshman Armstrong who is standing on the sideline, stealing all of Wisconsin's fire! Jon requests to be buried alive rather than sacrificed once he realized it was a game disc thrown by his own teammates which nailed him so savagely now 4-4. The crowd now begins to cheer and the Hodags burn a timeout, allowing J-Foster a chance to tear the team a new one. Foster is one scaring mofo when he is pissed and every word radiated on this rant, "100% intensity on the field, every fucking point! I only have some many points left in my season and every one counts so run your ass off!" Darth Klane holds the Offense down scoring to Bergen 5-4 as the game begins to trade. Old Man Crumb erupts into a rage and begins getting layout D's upon command, but it is 5-5. Evan Klane calls "On Fire" as he hits Tomacide for another huge deep shot sky to lead 6-5, and Evan's fourth assist of the first half. Georgia manages to scores and after a timeout, steal a break 6-7 for half, leaving Wisconsin bewildered. It was an interesting huddle indeed but the mantra remained, "Play to have fun and just run! Run 100% because your buddy will if you don't." Madison takes the message to heart and storms out of half in a Defensive rampage. Jake Smart throws big goals to Matt Crumb and Cullen Geppert - both Double Happiness transition break goals for Wisconsin to lead 8-7. The rout is on as the blood in water only rallies the Hodags. Cullen Geppert continues to wreck havor, scoring 3 breaks on 3 points and putting the hurt to Georgia. Ben Feldman and Matt Crumb continue to pace the breaks as Wisconsin races to an 11-7 lead. Georgia halts the potential Oatbag with a score to make it 11-8. Tom Murda skies for a D and brings in the Double Happiness goal from Darth Klane now 12-8. The game ended tragically on cap as Georgia made a spectacular layout grab for a score 12-10. Matt Crumb won the game MVP by knocking down 5 layout D's - literally on command as the MUFA vertical stack that GA was running must have spurred the dominant performance. Wisconsin plays Florida last and wants revenge - especially in the brutal wind - hitting 25 mph often.
It was a Red Bull warm-up for Wisconsin who lounged a moment before almost running the same Seattle end zone drill as Florida, to which J-Fo responded, "Oh no, fudge that! Box Drill!" It was actually Bergen who realized that this game would suck without observers, but Coach Windham and Cyle were on hand to overrule any discrepancy. For the first time all weekend, Wisconsin starts on Defense going upwind and rips the pull to the brick. Brodie lumbers over the disc and instantly rifles a super high blade hammer to three streaking defenders for the in eyeball Troll traffic goal 1-0. Wisconsin shrugs it off as a WTF?, again wondering why Florida has to suck so hard. Manny tries the same huck before Feldman finds Davidman with a looper flick 1-1, as the Hodags rush the field, fired up. Florida continues to run bullshit offense, hucking a big backhand to which Animal D's 5 Gators deep, before relenting a score 1-2. It is Hollywood to Davidman again for Wisconsin now 2-2, as the Hodags are making possession saving layout grabs all over the field. After the Trouble in Vegas fiasco, to which Wisconsin was pwning on Florida before crapping it pants, it was Wisconsin who wanted to prove Florida actually sucks at Ultimate. Nobody on the Hodags was afraid of constant bullshit hucking, as most players had seen or played Muffin in action. It was time to bust it open as Evan boomed it deep to Tom Murrrrrda who skies the fuck out of Brodie and then hits the streaking Cullen for the upwind break 3-2. Murdaballs checks The Brodsman off the UPA Starting Seven List, having now brutally skied Dempsey and Brodie, with Neff and Mac still to come. However, after all the commotion, Madison poops themselves and allows Fl an upwind score and downwind break to steal the lead back 3-4. Wisconsin is a bit pissed because "They did what we thought they would do!" But during the escalation, observers were desperately needed as Brodie layout murdered Dr. Crumb. Matt Young went up two hands for a hammer and Brodie Smith clobbered him straight up in a murderously dangerous play and then was a total dick about the foul, contesting to send it back. If you are going to injure and go directly through someone's torso to get the D - you probably shouldn't contest it and thus Brodie's Callahan stock declines. Muffin administers a sideline TMF and Wisconsin scores 4-4 as Jimmy Foster brings it in from Animal, who has played the first 8 points of the game. Murray takes so long to pull that Brodie calls Offsides (WTF?) and makes Wisco pull it again... After that, Florida continues to punt deep, throwing 500 style double helix hammers to 3 Florida receivers. On one attempt, Troll attempts a greatest which hits cheating douchebag #12 right in the gloves for a drop. Ben Feldman catches a goal from Mannywood as the game evens 6-6. Wisconsin is in perfect position to take half, especially when Mannywood styles an entire pile of would be Florida receivers. However, Madison chokes up an upwind break off a garbage completed mack D huck for a goal line timeout, punched in for half 6-7... total bullshit. Florida boner checks itself as this contest is mostly being played in a brisk walk due to the ridiculous wind and fast break cheating by Florida. Animal and Murda combined to play nearly the entire first half at 10 points and basically the whole game at 17 points plus.
The Hodags are pissed with the Gators but somehow get pulled into the punting Shit Box out of half as Florida breaks 4 times to lead 11-6. It is very frustrating as the winds overpower most discs. Florida is completing their hucks wheras the Hodags are punting turns. The double teaming Zone isn't helping either. However, Muffin finds a small laugh as he calls "Offsides" on Florida, only for The Brodster to believe it, trying to re-pull his brutal OB rip. Even Coach Windham laughs as bystanders can't make on-the-field calls, usually made by observers... Anyway, in the final moments, Wisconsin is able to snap out of it and work the disc, scoring twice before the contest ends 8-13. Wisconsin takes a deep breathe and huddles it in. Mental errors, throwing miscues, and bad decision making marked the entire game. It was the same mistakes as always, but this time the Hodags didn't respond. Soon is was food and late night NCAA hoops with Michigan St. vs. UNC for the championship. The only bright spot of the Florida game was Gaynor returning to action in the waning moments of the day, giving the Hodags a small morale boost. Overall, it was decent day for the Hodags but a disappointing finish as the revenge game for Florida will have to wait until Nationals. Sunday looks like afternoon showers, but the morning will be beautifully windy.
Sunday morning was exactly that - ridiculously windy with gusts up to and beyond 35mph straight upwind/downwind. Wisco begins on Offense and works downwind with stretching deep looks and easy unders as Tom Murray finishes to Adam Drews 1-0 on the quick score. On the other hand, Kansas works the disc downwind very slowly and barely scores with a high release backhand on the goal line 1-1. Straight Drews is feeling it as he rips a Boom Headshot to the fully healed Gaynor taking the lead 2-1. Kansas' offense looks sluggish as they complete a stall 9 hammer, hauled in most stealthily for the 2-2 tie. Wisco is in no mood to mess around as Darth Klane rips a big huck to T-Murda 3-2. Tomacide is dominating on Sunday and throws his third assist to Drews for his 2nd goal now 4-3. The D is mostly lackluster as Kansas gets a lucky deep shot 4-4. The Hodags are again on the showcase field as Drews finds Davidman for the hold 5-4. The crowd gives Jake Smart the business as he is toasted to the cone 5-5 with a Horrorzontal spike even. Lazer Klane remains unstoppable as he hits the speedster Drews for his 5th score of the first half now 6-5 Wisco. The Hodags burn a timeout to steal half, but only show the first glimmer of intensity as Kansas somehow holds 6-6. It must be the wind as Davidman drops a goal and Lazer bobbles another, giving Axel a full field upwind huck, to timeout to goal line punch-in for half 6-7.
Despite the solid Offensive play, the Defense was struggling to keep up its end of the bargain, trading the whole half and getting only two chances with the disc to break. Sure enough at halftime, the wind began to shift suddenly, reversing the field position. Madison yells about showcasing some tough physical hard-nosed defense but it is to deaf ears as impossibly the Hodags have no fire, no layout bids, and inexplicably no will to win. It seems like the loss to Florida took the wind out of the Hodag sails this morning and with it the desire the win. Kansas holds out of half 8-6 and Wisconsin tightens its belt. Evan Klane rips a goal to Gaynor to make it 7-8, but the Defense just isn't getting it done on the field. Sloppy miscues allow Kansas to score and break to 10-7, but the scenario is still the same, one upwind break to tie the contest. Darth Lazer scores a goal from Manny as the game is within 2 at 8-10. Wisconsin furiously needs a turnover and upwind break, but they continue to play like pussies. Kansas scores and lets up another upwind break, making it 8-12 and curtains! Muffin was very angry and slapping players left and right, but it was of no use... the Hodags couldn't kindle a fire with a freaking blowtorch. It wasn't even possible to slap these kids hard enough to begin caring and their fate was sealed. Feldman finds Foster for a goal to make it 9-12, but its obviously curtains as Axel bobbles a mack D catch before sealing it 9-13. The Hodags were a bit salty with the result and a brutal loss to the Horrorzontals was not good news. "Embarrassing loss," was all Hector could mutter. The 2009 Hodags are young and their mental lapses have allowed the likes of Virginia, Tennessee, Washington, and now Kansas to chalk up victories against them this season. Muffin could only speak to individuals at this point, urging handlers to value the disc and play smart.
Next up was Michigan and Wisconsin, at the very least, needed to act tougher, even if that wasn't that case. With the spiraling winds, the Hodags did not seem excited to play, not excited to win and at times fucking clueless and helpless of how to take over a game. Things look worse as Michigan scores and breaks upwind to lead 2-0, giving Evan the walrus. If Wisconsin was to respond it would be now, as Muffin and Hector imposed their will upon the sidelines. The Hodags finally score downwind as Gaynor rips a sweet breakside backhand huck to Murda 1-2. Wisconsin then gets an easy break as Jake finds Manny on a little dishy 2-2. With the momentum in hand, Wisconsin breaks again as Murda rips deep to Cullen 3-2 on a long point. The rampage is on and the Hodags bust a nut with Manny ripping a nasty flick to Ben Feldman 4-2. A marathon point ensues and it looks as if Michigan will never score ever again, but 9 turns later it is 4-3 as the open Wisconsin lines couldn't finish Magnum off. Will Neff begins to play well, scoring and coaxing Michigan to break twice to lead 4-5, firing up the Hodags all over again. As the intensity builds, Gaynor gets open in the zone a rips a huge flick to Davidman now 5-5. Michigan tries to play the nice-guy game, but Wisconsin is finding the defensive zone, despite Foster and Murda crashing into each other both bidding for a layout D. J-Flo then scores to Old Man Crumb to lead 6-5 and Wisconsin steals half downwind as Gaynor gets a poach catch D in the lane and rips a 50 yard hammer to Crumb who finishes to Feldman 7-5 half! The noob Hodags worship Gaynor's fancy throws as Wisconsin looks to finish strong.
Madison is on Offense out of half and shreds Magnums zone with 7 perfectly placed fast throws 8-5 as Bjergies spikes it hard. Magnum scores on some swillyness 8-6 as a layout over the shoulder Matt Crumb mack D is ran down and bidded for the grab deep in the endzone. Wisconsin pounds in another quick and perfect O point to lead 9-6 as Davidman finishes. Lazer Klane rips a huge huck to Patsy for the sky spike break now 10-6 and gaining steam. Michigan scores to make it 10-7, but the Hodags are at another defensive level in the brutal 35 mph winds. The Hodags have the confidence to work the disc as Jon "Dialed In" Gaynor rips another huck to Davidman 11-7. Mannywood and Masler punch in the last two breaks as Wisco wins easily 13-7, demoralizing the revenge seeking Michigan. Wisconsin was happy to put together a strong game top-to-bottom and glad to bounce back after the atrociously played Kansas game.
The last round was negotiated to be Colorado vs. Wisconsin, just for something fun to watch. However, Mamabird and the Hodags were forced down to the last field for their exhibition game on the 15th place field, which surprisingly came with observers. Wisconsin barely managed a drill before game time as Muffin heckled Colorado's pre game possessions. It was Offense first going downwind, in probably 35+ mph winds. Overall, it would be brutally freaking gusty, but at times, manageable due to the nearby hills and full tree cover. At this point of the weekend, the fields were getting messed and travels were coming left and right as the field below their feet was "traveling." The Hodag lesson for this game was run as hard as you can because this is the last game of the weekend. Darth Lazer took the opening possession and rifled a head-level huck to Drews who finished to Murray 1-0. Colorado was looking strong, scoring as Simmons landed in no-man's-land and breaking upwind to lead 1-2, as Gaynor slipped in the mud. Despite the slow start, Wisconsin chills out and goes to work, taking unders and holding 2-2 as Drews and Gaynor gutted out another long hard O point. Crumb was still playing like a stud and tosses a goal to Jon KillStrong as the Hodags led 3-2. Colorado responds and scores three in a row to lead 5-3, once giving Wisconsin the walrus. Zach Alter is able to stop the bleeding, putting a flick blade on the money to Gaynor 5-4, as Colorado had been running a poachy zone, not guarding the third handler what-so-ever. Colorado is running the side-iso stack through Mac Taylor and score to take half 7-4. Wisconsin isn't out of the game, but lacking in confidence. Muffin lays out the game plan and encourages the team to finish the tournament strong. "If this were freaking finals, would you be running harder?" There was plenty of work to be done and Wisconsin was definitely getting better at slowing down Mamabird, but not enough as the lead widened to 4-8. Colorado had broken 4 times in the first half and now it was on the Hodags to roar to life. Adam Drews hits Gaynor for Wisconsin as the game stands at 5-8. Mannywood busts out a Cursebreaker as he two-feet standing skies Pebbles on the goal line and then punches in the score to KillStrong 6-8. The Hodags are firing back with high pressure D as Matt Crumb brutally footblocks Mac Taylor, but Mamabird holds 6-9. Muffin almost calls a timeout, but Big Jim S calls it first, as both teams are looking completely exhausted for the moment. Wisconsin needs to keep fighting and Zach Alter rips another Boom Headshot to Drews for the score 7-9. The battle continues only for Jazzler Jizzler to find Crumbly for a break 8-9. Colorado holds to 8-10 before Gaynor finds Murray 9-10. Wisconsin is feeling it and wants another break as Jimmy Foster brutal skies and finishes to Crumbly again now 10-10. Captain Foster is fueling the fire and hollers at the next D line, "No Under!" he screams for 6 straight times, only for Animal to steal all of his fire and go Zone. The Hodags get the turn allowing Jimmy Foster to find Cullen for the break now 11-10 Hodags. With the end in sight and the Veteran Hodags playing like studs, Wisconsin was setting the tone. Marathon points are now the norm as the game trades to 11-11. Wisconsin manages 5 footblocks in the game and evens the game despite being down 4 breaks in the first half. Adam Drews is now the workhorse, throwing three straight goals (2 Murda) and keeping Wisconsin churning 14-13. Jon Gaynor made a huge under layout D, when the disc was thrown before the Mamabird cutter even came out of his cut. Ganges was overheard later saying, "Either I'm going to D this or that guy was going to make the catch of his life." Co continues to hold as the game pushes to universe 14-14, as Animal just misses a perfect layout D chance. The final point is chilly until a pick/foul allows Bergen to heads-up keep playing, throwing a flick to space for Foster. The observers convene and the point is replayed as Brodie looks on bewildered. Bergen ends up double scoring the last point to Jimmy who takes off the disc as his teammates immediately chase him in jubilation. Wisconsin ended the tournament 5-2, but ending on a high note. Foster then steals the tray of rice-crispy brownies, only to again be chased by his teammates. T-Murda finishes crossing Mac off his list of Starting 7 Studs and then congratulates Crumb on his many footblocks. The Hodags ate riceless burritoes with Co at the nearest Qdoba as Mac chatted deeply with Hector.
And like every weekend, the Hodags are exhausted and heading back to the end of semester and the beginning of the College Series. If Wisco lay's an egg now - there are no second chances and team's are headed home instead. With a weekend off for Easter - Sectionals and Regionals are back-to-back weekends in Whitewater and Northfield respectively. The Defense begins is assault on the Offense, winning the poor snowy/rainy/awful field conditions battles. Find your Sectionals costumes now.