Monday, December 03, 2007

Wisconsin Hodags CCC Highlight Video

Wisconsin Hodags CCC Highlights

Hodag Love,

*NEW MLC Content Below 12-26*

Classic City Classic 2008 in Chattanooga, Tennessee

As Wisconsin returned to practice and training, several players who attended MLC were putting in extra work. It wasn’t because their bodies needed more exercise; it was their minds that needed it. The motivation had been restored, but doubt had also reared its ugly head. Are the Hodags overrated? I read on rsd that they won’t even win the Central this year. The people who post without knowing are the ones who are just asking to be served the business. It is bulletin board material – and it’s going to lead to pwnage. It’s like playing Richter in a game of beer pong. The more you try to distract him with baseketball maneuvers and insult his dignity, the more he concentrates and focuses on beating you. That endless competitive streak to win runs like a little Energizer Bunny in his chest and incidentally, the Hodags have feasted on Richter’s soul at least once. So the determination and the dedication were there for Wisconsin in their training, now all they needed was a destination to showcase their dominance. It turned out to be mild Chattanooga, Tennessee where Classic City Classic would be making a December debut.
The Hodags at CCC were a very different breed of monster than the ones appearing at MLC. These Hodags were a different animal altogether – they were fearsome, big, fast, and scary. Their defense was stifling and numbers large; they live for the swarm. The first victim of the weekend would be the Auburn Jordan’s of … well, maybe Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, or Florida, not sure. However, the morning was chilly, but the day would warm up nicely. The wind was extremely calm at first and made for easy hucking conditions. The weekend started obviously enough, with starting lineup chunnel. The O-face would be looking solid with Mabrowald, Pearce, Shlokke, and Gaynah cutting while Rebholz, Laser, and Animal picked up the handling duties. The Offense would look spectacular as the shorter fields seemed wider than usual, as the dominate cutters were having their way in the open field with gaping in-cut gainers. Mahowald would catch a medium deep ball from Rebholz and hit Tim Pearce for the first goal on the weekend 1-0. The Defense took the field for the first time, but could not adjust to the game speed as Auburn punched in the goal on the second attempt 1-1. The Hodag Offense made it look incredibly easy as Will Lokke hucked deep to a wide open Tim Pearce 2-1. The Hodags would generate a turnover as Feldman snacked on a D, but Wisconsin would not be able to convert as Masler lost his cleat and proceeded to drop the disc as a result; allowing Auburn would tie the game at 2-2. The defensive pressure wasn’t quite there yet, and Rebholz would burn a timeout to fire the team up, hurling challenges in every direction. The Offense would continue to convert and carry the team as Matt Rebholz finds Mahowald for deep goal 3-2. The Defense rushes the field and gets excited to blow this game wide open. Cullen Geppert starts the action with a layout D on an in-cut and follows it up by finding Tom Murda for the goal and break 4-2 Hodags. Chris Doede would be the next stud to get a D and Shane would reward the double happiness to Dades with a looping flick goal and break now 5-2. The Hodags began to enjoy the feast and celebration, but Auburn would punch in a goal to bring the game to 5-3. The Mabrowald would take it in stride and bomb a huge backhand to Shlokke for the goal 6-3. The Wisconsin Defense would storm the field and prowl the line, waiting to take half. Freshman Pat “Diablo” Donovan would get a sky D on the sideline and the Hodags would work the disc patiently until Bergen hit Muffin on a continue throw for the goal and 7-3 halftime lead. Wisconsin would bring it in and compare calf sizes until Shane’s veins almost exploded through his leg. Coach James Foster would address the team and pose the challenge of putting together a sick nasty fatality on these unsuspecting Auburn kids. The Hodags were generally in agreement that the Jordan’s must be dealt with, but the Defense came out flat and let up the goal 7-4. The Offense was just excited to get back in the game and Schlokke was so pumped – SuperGrip made a fateful return. As Will Lokke digs hard for the in-cut, the disc slips right through his fat sausage fingertips. Wisconsin would get the turn almost immediately as Evan Klane gets a nice in-cut layout D. Madison would continue to throw to Fat Shlokke, but again, SuperGrip prevented him from closing those lil’ porky’s around the Frisbee. Lokke would revert back into meatwad mode and earn a D back for the Offense and on their third try, Kevin Riley fired deep to Jim Raynor for the hold 8-4. The Wisconsin Defense had seen more than enough action from Auburn and vowed to end it faster than Super Saiyan Goku would drop Vegeta. The C-Monster would use his entire source of chi as he skies for a D in the end zone. Muffin would go a full 70 with it, hitting Tomacide for the break 9-4. Tom Animal would start taking control of the Defense as he throws consecutive breaks to Feldman and Doede for an 11-4 lead. Seth Meyer grabs a late game D and Muffin hucks deep to Matt Young just outside of the end zone. Old Man Young hits tall youngster Patty Boy for the break and Donovan also hauls in the last break from Old Man Meyer as Wisconsin runs away with the game 13-4, finishing it with 5 straight breaks. Wisconsin would bring it in and celebrate the early success, but not before hearing rumors of Minnesota making waves in the other pool by beating Texas 13-9. Beastmaster would be holding it down and Coach Charlie was able to Jedi predict which player would get the D. Whitewater would also take down North Carolina 13-10, most likely on the incredible throws and precision hucks of handlers Dave Schleicher and Jamie Bauer.
Wisconsin was closest to the tent and ate a couple of PB&J sandwiches while taking 40 minutes of leisure time to contemplate taking a nap. A couple of Hodags were sitting on the bleachers heckling a n00b line of the nearby Georgia Tech vs. Davidson game and rightly so, with 12 turnovers in one point – it was almost a girls game. Anyway, Wisconsin had a vendetta to settle against Davidson after a very lackluster game at Centex in which they played a whole half with Wisconsin and one super obnoxious woman kept screaming in a southern drawl – it was terrible. Trading with a team like Davidson and putting up that kind of performance would not be tolerated and the team pumped it up for some mayhem and destruction. However, the Offense had other ideas and tried to make it as difficult as possible as they put the disc on the ground 3 straight times. Eventually, the O would toughen up and Animal would hit Lokke for the goal 1-0. Muffin would take the heat early and stuff a break into Old Man Seth Meyer for the 2-0 lead. The fast start would propel the Hodags into a game of suffocation and devastation as the wind was picking up severely. The usual hookup of Andrew Mahowald and Will Shlokke connected for another goal to make it 3-1. Kevin Riley would be hollering instructions from the sideline as Donovan goes deep and finishes to Jeremiah for the 4-1 lead. Muffin would bomb a huge flick for a Feldman sky to extend the lead to 5-1. The n00b line would fail to stuff in next break after getting an opportunity on a Dedede D now 5-2. The O-line would step up and punish with Rebel Rousa hitting Jim Raynah for the goal 6-2. The Offense would have to take half with Mabrowald hitting Pearce now 7-3. Muffin would continue to punish turnovers as he found Seth deep for the break 8-3. The Defense would fail to generate a turnover and the Offense was forced to play as Lokke hit Gaynor for the goal 9-4. Again, it would be Muffin dishing out some pain by hitting Old Man Young for the break 10-4. Dades would take a John McClain type attitude and as he made a play D on a deep shot allowing the C-Monster to finish to Diablo 2 for the break now 11-4. With two straight breaks, the hemorrhaging would result in violent shaking and another turnover. This time the n00b line would convert as Captain Hook found Ben Feldman for the break 12-4. With the chance to finish on Defense, the Hodags promptly choked and got scored on 12-5. The Offense would groan as they pulled themselves from their warm bleacher seats to finish the game 13-5, with Gaynor hitting Pearce for his second goal of the game. At this point, Belladonna would flaunt past our field, saying something about an 11-7 beat down of Texas and openly flirt with the many of the Hodag ringer studs. The results would slowly trickle in from other games as Whitewater would pull the upset of the day, beating Colorado 15-14 after being down 8-11. 2009 Callahan winner Jolian Dollhouse would be distraught with the result and would later been seen muttering about MacFearSon making Beautarded throws. The day would progress and Indiana would be next up, but would come out swinging with high release backhands and hammers flailing. Coach James Foster was screaming from the sideline, but few paid him heed as the Defense came out like gangbusters after a spirited bull ring. Most would exit through the weakest link in the chain – being Muffin’s face. As the game begins, Doede breaks rank first and captures an early D and later fires to Cullen for the double-happiness goal and break 1-0. The mohawks and long hair of the Indiana Hoosiermama’s puts in a goal 1-1. The O-face was finally summoned into the game and quickly scored 2-1 with Andrew finding Fat Bill for the goal. Indiana would continue to trade and it was 3-3 after Bill Lokke hucked deep to the speed walking Skywalker. Gaynor and Seth would both collect goals on the way to a 5-3 lead. The Hodags made sure to break before half and Diablo Donovan pulled down a goal for half at 7-4. Rebholz would pace the team out of half hitting Memorial High School buddy Triple Ply Tim Pearce for the goal 8-4. The Hodags would gain some stream, freak out, and turn up the pressure. Muffin would toss 2 breaks and Marshall would haul in 2 goals in the unofficial OATBAG at 13-4. Even the n00bie line was able to break with T Murda throwing a couple of goals. Other results were still finding their way to the Hodag ranks as Colorado barely survived an Illini assault as they won 10-9. Georgia struggles to put away UNC Wilmington in a capped game 10-8. The wind was slightly picking up, but there was an hour round break for lunch and sleep. The poorly rationed Hodags would scour the landscape, but find few edible things besides Laser’s ample supply of beef jerky. It was finally agreed to leave the battlefield and search the desolate wastelands that is Tennessee. After a lengthy chase scene involving “The King” and a getaway car, several Hodags realize that the time in the car is one hour slow and it is almost game time. The King gets away in the end and the home team of Tennessee-Chattanooga is next on the menu. Rebholz is annoyed with the lackluster warm up drill and several Hodags supplement the drill with some mack lane and deep hucking in the steadily rising wind. Tennessee would not be prepared for the deep game of Wisconsin and could not hang with the zone defense. Seth Meyer would grab the first D of the game but it would take two opportunities to score as Doede hit Bergen for the break 1-0. Chattanooga would play hard and score to tie the game 1-1, mainly due to no defensive intensity. It was going to be one of those games… The Offense would hold as Andrew Mahowald would hit Tom Annen for the goal, bypassing their zone defense for a 2-1 lead. The Defense would run off three straight breaks, hucking for field position and then punching in the goals as Glutes Berlin caught and threw a goal now 5-1. Tennessee would manage a second goal in the game to tighten it to 5-2, but the Hodags were not concerned. Bill Slokke hit Ganyor for the hold on offense for the 6-2 advantage. Seth Meyer could score the goal to Diablo Donovan for the halftime lead 7-2. Matt Rebholz addressed the team and asked if anyone was satisfied with how the game was playing out. There was a resounding “No” from the team and Wisconsin vowed to play better in the second half. The O-face would score out of half as Tim Pearce hit Mabrowald for the goal 8-2. With the Defense taking the field, the question was, “Who to administer the Goat?” It would have been Riley, but he was on the sideline, so the D line voted that Seth would need to step up. Meyer would grab another D and 2 goals during the barrage of breaks en route to dispensing the prized OATBAG! It should be noted that the second half was dedicated to Lokke sucking, so many Hodads were taughting Fat Schlotzsky for his sausage fingers and being a red headed Mexican. It would turn out that the home team of Tennessee-Chatanooga had some fans and one particularly larger man, who was sitting with a group of ladies, was named Schlotzsky. I hope he didn't get the wrong idea. The final score would show 13-2 and the Hodags were sitting around, mainly eating Laser’s jerky and wondering what to do with themselves. Word of mouth was slow to come by but a few knowledge individuals let Madison hear that Whitewater was busy losing to the Fighting Illini on another universe point game 13-12 and Florida was starting to struggle, beating Dartmouth 9-5. The upsets were coming right and left in the D pool as Georgia, Texas, and Minnesota all lost to lower seeds. But in the Hodags huddle, Coach Foster would demand that the team utilize the chance to play in a condition other than snow ultimate. The team begrudging agreed to play some zone possessions against themselves to figure out the nuances of the cup. The Offense would freaking dominate and the Hodag zone possessions frustrated the defense. The legs tired eventually and Wisconsin perhaps lost their early tenacious edge to smart positioning. Most of the team recalled what happened last time Wisconsin did inter-team zone possessions during a tournament. That would be the disastrously rainy and cold Mardi Gras of 2006, but the team was quick to remember the destruction that followed zone possessions because it was a 13-0 win in our last game against Iowa. Man that was sweet. However, Georgia Tech would have other ideas and coaching appearances from fabled alumni Hensley and Frito. They even had a pretty good handler and I think almost every player on their team looked at least 30 years old with those playoff hockey beards. The Hodag numbers would dwindle to 19 active players as Coach Jimmy Foster would continue to lose the flip. Wisconsin would start on offense and a costly drop would lead to a Georgia Tech break 0-1. The Defense would groan and slump back to the sideline as the Offense would take the walk of shame back to the line. The Hodags apparently missed Rebholz’s pregame talk stressing that Georgia Tech was in position to also win the pool. But the Offense would struggle and get pulled into a dogfight as it takes 2 turnovers before Rebholz finally connects with Fat Bill for the goal 1-1. The Defense would need a firestarter as Madison threw a hard zone. Shane Hohenstein would get a D from the wing and toss another looping forehand to Doede for the break now 2-1 Wisconsin. Tech would huck the disc and play aggressive – scoring 2-2. The Offense would begin to settle down as Lokke sent a bomb deep for a Golden Hand skying now 3-2. The Wisconsin lines begin to open, but Tech scores easily to tie the game at 3-3. Rebholz takes control of the game and hucks deep to Schlokke for the goal, 4-3 Wisconsin. The Hodags decide to increase the pressure and break upon request as Shane again hits Doede for the break now 5-3 Wisco. Frito is getting frustrated and calls a timeout to rally his fledgling program. The treachery works and they hold on offense and break to tie the game at 5-5. Wisconsin is immediately infuriated and responds on Offense with Laser Klane hitting Tom Animal for the lead 6-5. With the opportunity to take half, Wisconsin stacks the D line and is able to generate a turnover and keep it chill long enough for Shane to punch in his third assist of the half to Seth for the 7-5 lead. It was a sloppy first half and the full field firing deep by Muffin was working with mixed results. It was not a happy time during the halftime huddle. Foster and Rebholz were pissed; Wisconsin was playing poorly and the Offense had been broken twice in one game. It would be on the heads of the Defense and the team determined that this game wouldn’t just fall in our laps like so many other pool play games do. Muffin prepares to shoulder the burden mentally and after brutal Tom Murda air D, Malecek fires in a nasty hammer to Matt Young in the back corner for the break 8-5. Tech would bring it closer to 8-6 before Fat Bill gets his sausage fingers on the disc and fires deep to the Golden Hand for the 9-6 lead. Georgia Tech would continue to battle and the score went 9-7 before Slokke again finds Mahowald for the hold 10-7. With the hard cap nearing, the Wisconsin Defense would want to end this quickly. A quick turnover leads to a Muffin bomb to Dedede for the game clincher 11-7 with the hard cap ending the round. As the first day wrapped up, news spread of Colorado losing to North Carolina 13-9 and Florida barely surviving NCST 13-12. Georgia would take down Texas in a battle 10-7 as it seemed like the long day was making it a struggle for teams to end the game within the time limit. As the day commenced Wisconsin stretched out and as the stiff winds blew in a storm cloud. The Hodags would shower and get pizza with just enough time to watch video and study for Monday’s tests. Bed spots would be claimed and most of the team had arrived later than midnight the previous day – which could contribute to a terrible lag tomorrow morning. If there is lag in RL, you can wind up dead, or shot on the field, just ask Patty. Anyway Wisconsin would nestle in for a Transformers viewing as the captains debated the merits of keeping stats in the hallway.

Hodags CCC Sat 2007
Uploaded by muffnuts

But Fat Bill Schlokke was restless and Tom Annen was stealing most of the blankets. Soon Bill was suffocating, he couldn’t breathe, he was sweating and frantic and hadn’t seen his toes in years. He had been consumed by a nightmare. It was what the other team’s Offense dreads most and since Slokke’s emergence on the O-line, he doesn’t sleep well. When Fat Bill was able to wrap his lil’ smokey’s around the covers and shake from his nightmare – a vivid seen was replaying in his computer databases entries. The Hodag Bedtime Myth:
It was raining that evening. The car ride home was dark and eerie. The little girl gripped her teddy bear as she peered out the window. There was a flash of lightning and the country road lit up with shapes and images. A set of dark holes remained in the blackness. The girl had to double-take the landscape, but the eyes were gone. Her mother was focused on the road and didn’t notice what her daughter had seen.
They arrived at a roadside diner just to escape the darkness during the long trip up north. Her mother ordered a coffee as the little girl peered around the restaurant. The diner was dull and dingy, but there was an odd looking bookstand near the counter. The little girl was intrigued; she wanted to see that book. There was something about it, she couldn’t help it. The small girl slipped from the booth and crept towards the shelf. Her mother’s watchful eye was navigating a map and she missed the youngster disappear behind the counter. The girl’s heart was racing as she reached for the cover. She pulled from the shelf an old dusty book that was pitch black and of a coarse texture. “The Horrible Hodag?” she read to herself. The book revealed a children’s story of a dark creature, with a spiked tail and horned back. It had the head of a beast and the body of a dinosaur. The girl was terrified of the creature, but read further. “The Hodag is a creature that resides only in the northern woods of Wisconsin. It is a fearsome animal who preys on the weak and kills the innocent.” The little girl was barely breathing but read on, “This carnivore has an insatiable appetite and can be recognized only by their black eyes, where a reservoir of soul’s remains locked.” The girl was confused – what creature could possibly do that? She peeked over the counter and her mother was speaking with the waitress, so the girl continued, “A Hodag can be recognized by their razor sharp talons and 3 inch long fangs. Hodags are rarely seen before they kill and usually only leave their habitat to campaign a symphony of earthly destruction on something.” The little girl was brutally terrified and dropped the book instantly. She hurried to her mother’s side and pleaded to leave. She realized where their uncle’s cabin was, in northern Wisconsin. And where did Hodags live, only in Wisconsin, except when they wanted to make a kill, and she had already seen one.
When they arrived at a motel for the evening it was already late and way past her bedtime, but the girl was dying to know. Her mother didn’t have time for a goodnight story so the girl’s mind immediately flashed to the book. As her mother kissed her forehead goodnight and tucked the covers a little tighter – the little girl pushed herself up. She had to ask, she knew her mother would be angry, but she had to know, “Mom, where do Hodags come from?” Her mother paused at the door and her face was hidden in the shadows, restraining all emotion. “What did you say?” “Hodags, are they real?” Her mother tried to assure her, but her voice cracked. Before she could stop herself, the little girl cried, “What do Hodags dream about?” Her mother’s eyes widened and before she could stop herself, she blurted, as if compelled to, “Death and destruction. Hodags dream about domination and terror.” The girl had known it was true and now she could feel the hairs prickling on her arm. But faith held out and she countered with a puzzled look, “Then, what do Hodags eat?” An ever graver look swept the mother’s face and she shuddered at the thought of what those sweeping creatures from the wilderness devour. She swallows hard and hesitates before she barely whispers to her eager daughter, “Souls. A Hodag will eat your soul.”
The child looked questioning and dared to ask one last question. “But they can be stopped, right? Can’t we control them?”
Her mother merely smiled, “No one can fuck with the Hodags.”

Schlokke would grimace in relief after realizing that it would be okay. He only saw those guys in practice. It would be Wilminginton tomorrow and then some sweet revenge on Florida. Slokke poked at the “sleep” button and went back to his thoughts of the new and improved SuperGrip 4000.

Hodags CCC Sun 2007
Uploaded by muffnuts


“It’s Sunday boys, it’s Sunday.” Ryan Carrington must have just trounced through the chunnel because that familiar phrase rang out, only this time it was Coach James Foster. “Hodag’s don’t lose on Sunday.” With a slogan like that, who wouldn’t be absolutely thrilled to wake up on the floor come Sunday? However, Wisconsin rolled out of bed quite gingerly (not you Bill) and straggled back to the chilly fields. UNC-Wilmington would survive the mayhem of several close games and take the second seed out the D pool, beating Central Region powerhouse Minnesota 13-9 to earn a spot in the winner’s bracket. UNCW would have a reputation purely based on the fact that it was former home of big talker NUMP poll guru Mike Gerics. The Seamen would sail up with case of Gatorade and a bunch of mean mugs. They dressed entirely in black and really dampened the cheerful mood of the Wisconsin pump-up music montage and general ripping being done to Fat Bill’s ATPTM theory. Wisconsin would be running a little late and the lag was slowing n00bs left and right in the break mark attack and Seattle drills. Malecek and Andrew would be off in la-la-land practicing the biggest backhands they could muster all the way up to game time. Quarterfinals would set the tone for the rest of the day and a significant crosswind was developing. Unlike Saturday, Wisconsin would not slump out of the gates, but rather have high octane intensity almost immediately. Too bad Coach Foster would lose the flip, again, and Wisconsin would start on O-face. Feldman would be given a shot at starting O line with Skywalker returning to the ways of his heritage – pwning on Defense. Anyway, Ben would get the disc and immediately be shouted at my 8 or 9 Hodags to either immediately jack it deep or dump it now. Hollywood would flex it and travel twice before throwing an astray around pass that not even a blue Animal could layout catch it. Wilmington would shoot for the eyeball and huck deep ASAP – scoring a break to lead 1-0. They would scream horrible obscenities and spike the disc with ruthless and unnecessary disdain. A scene from Easterns 2007 sprang to our minds – Wisconsin was playing UNCW in the last pool play game and the Seamen broke to start the game. The dude who scored spiked it mercilessly and said something like … and I’m paraphrasing here… “Yeah F yeah Seamen, these guys ain’t snap, the best team in the country is overrated.” Well anyway, they were playing for keeps so the Wisconsin D line had to wake up, because they were merely sitting on the bleachers, snacking on Masler’s leftover pizza. The Offense would make it interesting as they turned it over again, but actually played hard defense. Soon Rebholz would take control and hit 8th man off the bench Mabrowald with a deep backhand down the sideline for the first Wisco goal of the day 1-1. Wilmington was playing hard and to their credit, the huck deep strategy was working as Shane wanted to be slapped after barely missing a deep D eating opportunity as UNCW scored to take the lead 2-1. The Wisconsin Defense bowed their heads in shame, knowing the O-face would probably just get broken again. However, Fat Bill Slokke would hit Laser Klane for the goal to tie the game 2-2. So with the pressure rising, who could possibly make a play for Wisconsin? Well, Shane was getting psyched to consume several souls, Doede was yelling and pointing already, and Muffin was pwning n00bs with a plethora of well placed headshots. Wilmington would work the disc to midfield before sending a medium range deep shot on an unsuspecting Muffin. From the sideline, someone in the know foretold the scene with a well placed – SHANE. Sure enough, ManBearPig would fly in from across the field – very Beauesque like – and smack the disc way out-of-bounds. However, the handlers were struggling to get open and Muffin would waste Hohenstein’s efforts as Malecek protected his face en route to throwing into a layout D. However, an OB huck by UNCW would give the Hodags second life and Malecek would not be stopped this time around. A 70 yard precision laced dart of excruciating pain was sent right into the eyeball of Wilmington’s future offensive mental capabilities, as they didn’t quite figure out that straight up mark yet and let off another one pass goal for a break. Ouch, that’s too bad smirked Malecek as the Hodag tattoo on the cannon howled to dance and see the sunlight after the flick bomb to Doede, now 3-2 Wisconsin. The Seamen would respond and make some pretty gratuitous layout grabs, but would score to tie 3-3. The O-face would need a playmaker and Rebholz went straight deep to Slokke for the brutal sky 4-3. The Wisconsin Defense would suffocate Wilmington’s offense as the Golden Hand snacked on D before going deep for Muffin. Mahowald would break the mark to a sprinting Doede to finish the break now 5-3 Wisconsin. The damage had been done and a cut was opening above UNCW’s left eye. The Hodags that feast on little children in the Northwoods can smell blood 2 fields away. They can sense weakness and the see fear in the eyes of their opponent. As Tyson Park so exuberantly stated in 2004 as he smashed his tiny fist into his palm, “We must punish. PUNISH!” So Hodags have a deep interworking relationship with how to punish. Muffin had actually done his dissertation about how to conquer Mamabird’s and Carleton Cheaters on his way to documenting a National Championship and even a detailed “how to” guide for future conquistadors in the annals of sports history. Anyway, Andrew Mabrowald would keep up the intensity by making a couple of nasty layout attempts while Muffin would punish by tossing another huge break up to Diablo Donovan for the bookends and break now 6-3. But to Wilmington’s credit, they did not accept defeat easily. Rather they responded with physical play, layout attempts, and ballsy decisions on their way to scoring now 6-4. The rested Wisconsin O-face would convert on their first possession, with Sausage Fingers hitting Jim Raynor for the hold 7-4. Wisconsin would attempt to steal the half with a dominant line of 5 fearsome cutters, but the Seamen would score now 7-5. The Wisconsin O-face would take care of business with Rebholz tossing his 3rd assist of the first half to Gaynah for the goal 8-5. There was a sense during halftime that things were going well, but the team defense would be stressed and reinforced. Wisconsin would focus on denying Wilmington’s deep game and make the Seamen work for their scores. The defensive lines would open up and Wisconsin would utilize its depth. However, Wilmington was still scoring on offense and the game tightened to 8-6. Will Schlokke would toss another goal, this time to Tim Pearce for the 9-6 lead. Shane Hohenstein would get fired up and make a sick layout D on a looping throw in the end zone for his second D of the game and catch a goal from Andrew Mabrowald for the break to 10-6. With a solid lead now, the lines loosen and the freshman and sophomores got their shot at putting breaks on the other team. Sadly, they weren’t there quite yet, as UNCW scores their final goal of the game 10-7 on a huge backhand break and Chris "Haterade" Doede was in such a rage, that the ManBearPig was called in to quiet the rage. The Wisconsin O-face would dominate easily as Fat Bill hit Animal O2 for the goal 11-7. The Wisconsin Defense had started to grind on the Seamen and the lines of pressure applied earlier in the game began to wear on their offense down the stretch. Masler scores a short pass to Shane for the break on the second opportunity as Wisconsin leads 12-7. UNCW would sense the game slipping and think about making a late game run. However, Muffin had different ideas as Malecek tossed 2 straight assists to Matt Young and Shane Hohenstein for the 14-7 lead, Shane would go +5 in this affair as he caught fire late in the game, catching 3 straight goals for breaks and connecting with 2 sick D’s. The n00b line would finally show the 1337’s that they had it in ‘em as they made circus catch after layout attempt to punch in the last break, freshman Zach Ehler hitting Tom Murda for the win 15-7. Fat Bill would also make his presence felt during that game as he threw 4 goals and caught 1. Wisconsin would stay focused on the task at hand only for a moment before scouting the other games which were still playing out. Whitewater was fighting off a late Michigan run for the 15-10 win while Florida was battling North Carolina in a regional match-up. UNC would take the lead all the way to 14-8 before Florida overcame several well placed Wisconsin heckles and tightened the game to 14-12 and even took possession. However, the Gibrodie or the Brodson as some call him, was not able to flail enough limbs or make enough calls to overcome the deficit. Florida would fall and avoid the semifinals game against Wisconsin.
The Hodags would saunter and strut back to their feasting grounds and prepare for the Darkside. This would be the first meeting since the Nationals beat down 15-6, which beforehand UNC predicted that they might take down the #1 seed. North Carolina looked to be solid even without graduated stud Zach Washburn because they had just taken down an experienced Florida squad. Madison would fire up in anticipation of the best competition of the weekend, but it wasn’t Colorado? No, the Darkside had played well on the weekend, beating Mamabird 13-9 and only losing their first game of the weekend against UW-Whitewater 13-10. But, can you really take a team that loses to UW-Whitewater seriously? Anyway, a month earlier Darkside had even taken down all of the competition at Fall Collegiates including Pitt and NCST. So UNC had some experience and a couple of big time wins under their belt, most notably beating Colorado and Florida in back to back days. Coach Foster would win his first flip of the weekend and elect to start on defense, knowing Muffin was warming up his deep game and visualizing total destruction. The Hodag sideline was focused and Wisconsin was prepared to give the best effort of the weekend. The Hodags had something to prove and a chip on their shoulder. This was CCC; this was a tournament the Hodags own. But wait, we don’t recognize any of these players, who is even good here? These two questions sprang into several 5th year’s minds as nobody recognized anyone. It would not matter to the team in whole, because Hodags don’t care who it is out on the field. The task is to bitch them all, whoever you guard. At every tournament, on every Sunday, at every practice, summer league game, or pick-up performance, you must commit to playing your best – no matter who the competition. Hodags are slowly taught how to dominate, some faster than others, but it is a process of gaining confidence and utilizing it on the field. This is also a new Hodag team – and this was the first time Wisconsin had all the boys out, not just a shell of it, like the MLC roster.
So with this in mind, Wisconsin took the field without a video camera. Jake was on “strike” and the team clearly couldn’t afford his demands of Reb Bull and Beef Jerky. UNC would go deep early to Bergen's man, but it would be Andrew “Skywalker” Mahowald who steals the first deep D from Bergen with the strong sky. The wind would stay a steady breeze across the field and lend itself to easy IO bombs. Muffin would stroll over to the disc and gaze into the scene of 5 nasty cutters’s all looking to take somebody deep. Morfin would reach for the disc and feel a searing pain burn his forehead. It would burn in instant rage, it was true, another in-cut. Morfin would calculate his odds of holding the disc over stall 6 and contemplate his plan to give to a new horcrux. With several flare containers to choose from, decisions needed to be made quickly, but which wristband to choose? The desire to imprison a fresh sliver of soul, to make his flick go even farther, it surely had to be the orange cleats. With the stall at 3, Morfin decided mercilessly. It would be, in a word, dangerous… the process of putting a flick huck in the eyeball on a straight-up-to-a-no-flick-mark was going to be difficult. As Muffin contracted his pec and aimed his taped index finger at the mark’s heart – the boy before him looked timid and ripe for breaking, fearful at this responsibility of containing a Slytherin. Morfin could sense his weakness and pivoted without a second thought of the vulnerable and defenseless. In brilliant flash of a baby blue jersey, it was over, the mark fell to the ground, and the orange cleats cackled in muffled pleasure. Seth Meyer would collect the receiving end of the horcrux huck, skying for the break 1-0 Wisconsin. The Hodag Deatheaters stormed the field, feeling the dark mark Hodag burn. To their shock, several alumni could sense the Hodag’s pleasure – even deep in the prison of Azkaban, as known as RL, Dan Heijmen’s pudgy forehand seared in agony. UNC would raise their eyebrows and speak in Southern before realizing that the really had no chance as Wisconsin freshman Pat Diablo got a D and scored deep from a Shaner looping flick now 2-0. The Hodags would be pulsing with energy, but UNC would eventually convert and score to cut the game to 2-1. It would be a light day’s work for the Offense as Lokke quickly found Tim Pearce for the goal 3-1. Wisconsin would continue to help deep and ensure another North Carolina deep turnover allowing Muffin to trot to the disc. On the way to the cone, Muffin’s face would seem calm and relaxed, but only the Schlokke, Foster, Riley, and Mabrowald could understand his sharp whistle. It was Parseltounge and only few could understand the hushed words. “The poach is flat-footed, keep running.” K-Fed’s cackle would ring out in the confusion and Muffin would put up another huck to Andrew Mahowald for the sky catch 4-1. The Darkside converted on their deep game and would bring the game to 4-2. The Hodag Offense would take the field for the second time and calmly work the disc down the field. Rebholz breaks the disc to Animal who finishes to Feldman now 5-2 Wisconsin. The Hodags couldn’t completely shut the door on North Carolina as the Darkside scored to make it 5-3. Morfin’s Hodag dark mark would burn violently and his arm would shake as the game was in peril. The O-face would take the field once more and Fat Bill would hit Tim Pearce in space deep for the hold 6-3. Old Man Matt Young decides to play some hard-nosed defense and get a nice looking D. Kevin Riley would be stalking the sidelines and as Morfin walked towards the disc, Riley screams to Young, reading his master’s thoughts, “Run deep! As fast as you can, don’t stop!” Morfin would wind up and his newly created horcrux provided an aura of undeniable accuracy as Morfin throws his third break of the game, now 7-3. UNC would continue to battle and holler at y’all making it 7-4. The Wisconsin Offense would calmly take the field and convert as the Rebel Rousa found Bill Schlokke, under Shane’s bedroom door, for the halftime goal 8-4. The Hodag halftime huddle would be about replenishment and intensity down the stretch. The Wisconsin O-face would continue to execute in the second half as Laser, Rebholz, and Annen moved the disc quickly and scored to lead 9-4. The Hodag Defense continues to pwn and increase the tension as the Golden Hand snags his second D in the game and scores on a perfectly placed Morfin break, now 10-4. North Carolina is finally able to score after the 2-0 Wisconsin run out of half to make it 10-5. The O-face would score after a silly turnover, as Fatty Mc’Fatterson Billiam Schlokke tossed a goal to Jim Raynor for the 10-6 lead. A nasty pull by Morfin led to some stifling Wisconsin pressure. North Carolina would quickly turn the disc and Morfin was in close proximity to the disc. Morfin pressed his dark mark and Andrew Mahowald sprung into action, cutting into the end zone. As Jake lamented, “Don’t even get a chance for a D here,” while Morfin dropped a sick inside-out backhand to space for a Skywalker bitching now 12-5. UNC would pull it together and score to save some face, now 12-6. The O-face would again need two chances to score before Pearce sent a flick huck deep to Gaynah for the rundown catch for the 13-6 lead. The Defense was fully willing to end the game right here and now. UNC would miscue a pass and Morfin would clean up near midfield. It would take a mere moment before Morfin was Paseltounging Shane to go deep, but it must have been his giant blood because Shane was impervious to understanding Morfin’s strange language. This was most likely the root of all of ManBearPig’s and Morfin’s disagreements over time and even a legimens poke at Shane was deflected. Morfin had few options and was forced to swing the disc to Bergen and freshman Turtle. It took only a moment before the end zone call occurred and Morfin would end it to Old Man Young for the break to lead 14-6. Wisconsin would take a deep breath and calmly insert the n00b line. Even Fat Bill had to comment. However, the n00bs had ideas of their own as Bergen collected a D. Masler would huck deep and Tom Murda would close in on the trailing edge of the anvert. T-Murda would big spectacularly and catch the trailing edge, only to fall out-of-bounds in the end zone. With zealous passion Murricane would spike the disc in disgust only to have the disc flip into the distance, causing a delay of game and Wisconsin’s third TMF of the game, resulting in UNC taking the disc at Wisconsin’s brick. This would complicate issues, but the n00b line would prove their worth and eventually work the disc until Masler finally got an O2 and finished to Murda for the win 15-6. Masler would have a part on all 3 TMF’s, earning 2 himself for his fervernt mark and one assist to the Tomacide.
Wisconsin’s impending huddle could only be described as larger frenzy or small riot. Rebholz would lead the barrage, screaming about sick defense by the O-face and an all around dominating performance. However, Wisconsin would have a moment to watch the conclusion of the UW-Whitewater vs. Georgia game. It would be close, but Jojah would have too many weapons and Sub Par was not quite deep enough to stack the D line often enough to get all of the breaks back, losing close 15-12. The Hodags would eventually take the field and prepare for the CCC 2007 finals. This would be like the historic clash of Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris – because each team would take each other’s best blows, but in the end, the best would finish high and hard. Madison would even get a moment to toy with the enemy before bringing down the hammer of destruction in what could only be described as pure pwnage – Boom Headshot style. The Hodags would promptly finish Masler and Foster’s pizza before deciding that it was time to make it rain on these bitches and put it directly in the eyeball. The Hodags would fire up one last time, running some last minute drills and getting some repayment heckling from Florida. As they game was set to begin, Foster promptly lost the flip as the Georgia fans began to accumulate on the nearby stands. So, why do the Hodags play so hard? Well, probably because they all think they are playing hockey – just without the helmet, pads, or stick. Anyway, Wisconsin begins the game on Offense with a starting line of Rebel, Laser, Animal, Schlokke, Gaynah, TP, and Feldman. The O-face is doing fine until Feldman gets the disc. Like so many times before, the Hodag sideline yells and panics in anticipation of a deep turnover. Deatheater K-Fed takes action and “Imperio!” shoots K-Federation as Feldman travels mid-pivot, totally struck. But Feldman has a stubborn mind and the faulty spell causes the malfunction of Hollywood discovering that he has no range under 10 yards and misses the leaping Animal who cannot snag the looping flick. However, the pumped up O-face fights to bone and is able to generate a turnover. The Hodag Offense is able to refocus, but Georgia is up to the task and Schlokke probably Sausage Fingers the disc for a turnover, as usual Bill. Jojah wastes little time as they fire deep and break first 0-1. The D line takes a deep breath and DeyDey almost threatens Shane’s life before realizing how huge and scary the ManBearPig is. The Rebel calms the troops and bombs deep to Drew Mahowald for the goal 1-1. Wisconsin storms the field and is already pissed about the O-face already getting broken – the intensity is high and nobody enjoys listening to these Southern’s speak in their silly accent. The Wisconsin Defense was playing D tighter than Kurt Gibson’s left glove and the blanketed defense was doing everything possible. Georgia swings the disc to Greg Swanson on the sideline and he launches it deep with a laser backhand. Cullen Geppert is racing down the sideline as Andrew “The Golden Hand” Mahowald busts deep from the break side. Cullen bids first and comes within inches of the disc and simultaneously Skywalker bids for the over the shoulder D. Slade from Georgia makes the grab in between the coverage and holds on to lead 2-1. Wisconsin is shocked as Jojah screams for attention and several Hodags sulk off the field in disbelief. However, the chipper Offense jogs onto the field and is ready to rock as senior Fat Bill-I-Am Schlokke bombs a well-placed loopy flick to Jon Gaynah for the goal 2-2. The Wisconsin Defense finally turns up the pressure and is able to get a goal line turnover. Malecek calls the iso-set and Mabrowald convinces his n00b defender to run in the opposite direction long enough to grab the break now 3-2. The break would come so quickly that Wisconsin would keep the same line in and continue to weigh on Jojah’s O line. Georgia would try a deep pass to Swanson into double coverage. Doede and Hohenstein would converge on the disc, but Swanson would call the early contact and the observer would agree. A cross field hammer would score as Georgia ties the game 3-3. The Wisconsin D would shake in anger, but the O-face would take it in stride as Rebholz hits freshman Ben Feldman for a midrange looping goal to lead 4-3. At this point, a timeout is called and the Hodags bring it in screaming for fire and brimstone. The intensity would reach a near breaking point as a serious of layouts escalate the passion of the Wisconsin Defense. Chris Doede makes a sweet layout bid and rips the disc out of the hands for Swanson for a no-contest strip. However, the intensity is for nothing as Georgia continues to hold now 4-4. Jojah pulls the disc OB and Rebholz makes them pay with a quick strike deep to Gaynah for the 5-4 lead. Wisconsin stacks the starting Defense one more time, but Swanson sends it deep for another Jojah goal 5-5. The O-face is still up to the task as they quickly break the 5 pass zone and Ben Feldman eventually tosses a goal to Jon Gaynor for the hold 6-5. The defensive pressure was becoming contagious, but Jojah seemed to be immune to the pressure and plethora of layout bids. Wisconsin was done fooling around and decided to bring the pain with a ringer laced line of 5 cutter dominators. Wisconsin would begin breaking commandments they took Jojah’s name in vain so hard and were playing defense at such an intensity that Fat Schlozky threatened to spontaneously combust his ginger self into a blur of firecrotch. Fat Bill’s partner in crime would be the infamous Painzilla, who gets a run through D on the first Georgia throw. Somehow the Defense is not able to convert the easy opportunity and Georgia immediately hucks it deep to Swanson needing a big time play. However, Chris DeyDey was dogging Swanson all over the field and beats him in the 40 yard footrace for the goal saving D. Muffin would prepare to gunsling it harder than Brett Favre and was looking for familiar Deatheaters to take advantage. It seems that every time Muffin picks up the disc he aims for someone’s eyeball and this instant would be no different. As Morfin pressed his dark mark, the Golden Hand would make his deep move to open space and Malecek would huck a sniper shot deep. At the moment of the release, Muffin loudly proclaims, “BOOM HEADSHOT!” and flashes the Hodag dark mark as Mabrowald pulls down the disc for the break 7-5. Wisconsin would consider stepping on the throat, but decide to open the lines and Jojah gladly accepts the relaxed pressure and scores on a huge Swanson huck now 7-6. The Wisconsin Offense would make it interesting as Fat Bill is handblocked due to his shorts riding up that enormous ba-dunk-a-dunk of his, as he couldn’t lean any farther for fear of falling over and causing an Earthquake. Wisconsin plays tight D and is able to secure a turnover and with the new life and chance to take half, Captain Matt Rebholz finds the speedy Ben Feldman for the goal 8-6. The Hodags would go to half with the lead, but the Wisconsin team was far from satisfied – they needed more breaks and were not happy with their play up to this point. Coach Foster calls the D line and for some reason puts in 6 sick nasty athletic cutters. Muffin just smirks to himself before the pull, knowing there is no possible way that anyone on the Wisconsin line could be scored upon. It would not take long for the turnover to manifest itself, as sophomore Cullen Geppert gets the layout D on a poor choice and Wisconsin was looking to drop the hammer. As Muffin walks to the disc near the sideline he thinks to himself, “My hearts beating, my hands are shaking, my hands are shaking, but I’m still hucking and still getting head shots. It’s like Boom Headshot – Boom Headshot – Boom Headshot!” However, cutters aren’t always the sharpest of minds and they decide it would be fun to just stand in the stack and wait. Morfin’s hands shake in furious anger and #13 is forced to swing the disc to fellow handler Shane Hohenstein, before giving Seth Meyer the deepest look of loathing. The cutters also prefer to throw it to each other and work the disc before it resets to Morfin. The mark would be out of position and immediately get broken deep to Mabrowald. Drew hauls in the slider and finishes to Doede for the goal now 9-6 Wisconsin. The Hodags again open up the lines in the final and prepare to put a stamp on this tournament. However, the hucking gets sloppy and both teams turn several deep shots, including a nasty C Monster attempt on a deep anvert, before Georgia connects on a huge floater and the pro-Jojah crowd lets the Hodags know now 9-7. The game gets even more interesting as Fat Bill makes a bad read and doesn’t attack a disc as Jojah’s most athletic cutter gets a tip D on Schlokke. Wisconsin is able to get the D back and Feldman continues to play well, hitting Gaynor for the goal now 10-7. Georgia decides to call a timeout and Wisconsin decides to steal the momentum one more time. Newly engaged Rebholz makes a fabled defensive appearance as Wisconsin goes 5-2 instead of 6-1 and the Hodags take clear advantage with all of the experience on the field, as Seth Meyer finds Cullen Geppert for the break to lead 11-7. Jojah would score, but the game was slipping from their grasp now 11-8. Tim Pearce would put his mark on the game, tossing a mid range flick to Gaynor for the hold now 12-8. Wisconsin rests some of its top studs, but continues to dominate the game as Jon Masler tosses a goal to Seth Meyer for the 13-8 lead. Wisconsin is still giving 100% effort and laying out everywhere, maybe too often, as Cullen Geppert makes a super late big on Swanson and is promptly handed another TMF by Observer Kyle Weisbrod. However, Georgia holds on offense to bring the game to 13-9. Tim Pearce would continue to show off his thrower status by jacking a flick to Gaynor for the goal now 14-9. Jojah is able to convert one more time to bring the game to 14-10. The Wisconsin Offense takes the field and Tim Pearce fakes a huge flick huck and the mark explodes to cover it, making the Hodag sideline burst with laughter. However, Gaynor quickly finds the disc and sends it deep to Lokke, who finally gets revenge for the earlier tip D for a sky catch and Wisconsin victory 15-10.
The Hodags would celebrate the victory, but also focus on the future, like making a sick highlight video or winning Trouble in Vegas for a change. Wisconsin would take a mean looking team picture and everyone would look intimidating except for Tim “Hypo” Pearce who had a big goofy grin on just to ruin the picture for everyone. The CCC prizes would be glass cups, t-shirts, and a disc, so a nice haul of cool gear. Wisconsin would cheer Belladonna on, but they would fall to an experienced Michigan team like 12-10, despite the higher intensity. To recap the weekend, Andrew Mahowald went +27 with Fat Bill and Chris Doede right behind as both went +21. Muffin would dominate Animal in points played, beating him savagely by 15 and even flex the Hodag tattoo for Annen once or twice. Again the masses ask; why is Wisconsin so good? Because they think they are playing hockey? Well, not everyone thinks this, maybe Shane, but the real reason is that nobody can hang with the second half intensity. The Hodags cashed in 34 second half breaks in 8 games at CCC – that’s 4 breaks per half. That is Wisconsin’s depth running all over teams who have to play their studs and can’t match the Hodag intensity for a full 30 points. The sweetest D of the weekend goes to Shane “Painzilla” Hohenstein who got a nasty poach catch D in the Georgia game, but connected with a Jojah player so hard – that they kids shoes’ flew off when he landed. Hopefully he was physically okay, because Shane plain and simple consumed his soul. In the car ride back to the frigid northlands, Cullen commented that he had only lost to 2 teams in his whole career and that his 48-3, 55-1, and soon to be 80-0 record would probably be the best 3 year winning percentage for an ultimate team in the history of ultimate! Muffin would only groan, knowing losses to Michigan State and even Kansas appeared on his resume. The last big event for the Hodags is the winter Blue/Black scrimmage just before the semester ends. I’m predicting Muffin and Animal’s team by a landslide…

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Fall Ultimate: Wisconsin vs CUT

The "Little Jimmies" battle CUT's tryout squad in the semi finals of the Eau Claire Invite 2007, October 20-21. Central region dominance, baby! There is some language in the Wisconsin vs. Carleton video, but just remember that these are excitable and emotional college kids in a rivalry game beyond the usual realms of hate and loathing. You must win Central Regionals to win Nationals... well usually, but not so much in 2003, but definitely in 2006... so sometimes you must win Central Regionals to win Nationals.

Sunday morning came early and without a continental breakfast, which made snacks and red bull an absolute necessity. Breakfast was quickly purchased from a shady convenience store which had a police officer on duty at like 7:30 am and a wide array of hard liquor… that’s the South for y’all. However, it was much nicer than Saturday with warmer weather and a bit closer to crosswind rather than an upwind-downwind game. Luther came out tough and definitely wanted to make a game of it as they broke upwind to lead 1-0. The Wisconsin Offense would be so much more than Luther was used to as Foster would hit Mabrowald for the goal 1-1. At this point – Muffin entered the game and was as merciless as the army in 300. The first huck was hauled in by Cullen for the break and 2-1 lead. The second bomb went to Skywalker for the break 3-1 and Muffin’s beer pong partner called, “He’s heating up” from the sideline. At this point, Muffin went NBA JAM on Luther and hucked deep to Matt Young for the break, 4-1 lead, and “He’s on FIRE!” announcement. Malecek was determined to shoulder the early burden for Wisconsin, but was not ready for the Dill factor as Luther went deep and skied for a goal 4-2. Muffin was devastated and sulked to the sideline as Evan Klane found James Foster for the goal now 5-2 Wisconsin. Given new life, Muffin immediately jacks deep to Seth Meyer for the break now 6-2. At this point, Dan “Ill-D” McAdam was dominating the cutting for Sub Zero, but you can only do so much as a receiver of Luther. Dill would probably score again to tighten the game to 6-3, but Gaynor would find Foster for the 7-3 halftime lead. Wisconsin was ready to ride and ready to roll as they gathered some intensity in the huddle and vowed to end Luther once and for all. Muffin would continue his dominance and spotlights didn’t do him justice as Malecek hit Jon Marshall twice deep and even the C-Monster once en route to a second half OATBAG and 13-3 win. Let’s recap quickly; Muffin threw 7 breaks in the game. Coincidence that Terrell Owens and Randy Moss both wear Muffin’s #81? I think not. Other Sub Zero cutters J-Fo and Skywalker collected 3 goals each. The music from the sideline was keeping the Hodags excited as Michigan requested observers for our quarterfinals game. Magnum warmed up and looked pretty young as the Hodags were taking the full maximum time of leisure allowed between games. However, Wisconsin started hot as Animal hit Seth Meyer for the first point break, 1-0. Michigan would tie it at 1-1 before Feldman went deep and hit Mahowald for the score 2-1. The Wisconsin defense was not comfortable and would turn up the pressure on Michigan as Tom Animal collected 2 straight D’s. Malecek would connect on both occasions to Matt Young and The C-Monster respectively for a 4-1 lead. Will Neff would rally the troops and break upwind with a big backhand as the game evened at 5-5. Foster would collect 3 goals in the first half as Wisconsin played to 6-6 tie. However, the Hodags would stack the final line of the half, putting in all players associable with the Universe Line. However, GAYNAH would take home the cash and prizes, hauling in the final break to take the half 7-6. The Hodags were growing tired of the weariness that Blue Steel put upon Madison. Out of half, Michigan would punch in the first O point on the fifth try as the defense of Wisconsin was straight up lil’ choir girls about punching breaks in. With the game tightening late, Wisconsin needed a boost – who else to put in the game? Give me a Muffin going upwind on O-face, and 4 passes later it would be a Mabrowald skying bitches for the 8-7 lead. Animal would again dominate his defender and find Cullen for the break to 9-7. At this point, the flood gates had opened and The Golden Hand would seek the coveted “Bookends” symbol as Muffin continued to throw substance up and Skywalker would bring it down now 10-7. Michigan would fight to the bitter death and eventually Wisconsin would win the game 11-8 after using both time caps. As Madison took a seat and dug the red bulls out of the backpacks, CUT trotted up looking like an unknowing 7-year-old-boy trick-or-treating at Michael Jackson’s mansion. They had just given Whitewater the central region experience and were feeling frisky after the 13-6 win. As Wisconsin prepared to play in 7 minutes, the tired team of 15 looked vulnerable in semifinals. However, as the observers called for the game to start, I had a distant flashback… *cloud smoke* … it was cold, windy, early, and rainy, but 9 Hodags prepared to battle tryout team CUT at a fateful Exit 69 weekend. Evan Klane and German Glutin were going to be pivotal as the Hodags battled for a 7-6 halftime lead. The split squad was getting desperate as the Sub Zero practice would be ending and waves of stud reinforcements would fall from the sky. It would turn sour when Kanner and Muffin started guarding each other. Jerome was teaching proper cheating principles for arguing, as Shane started putting ball stains everywhere as Wisconsin battled to 15-12 win. Is if ironic that Carleton and Wisconsin hung out later evening and did some neighborhood remodeling? Probably not, but back to the present scenario – we have Carleton coming in “fresh” and Wisconsin looking susceptible for the first time in 2 years.
However, the game would start without incident as the Wisconsin offense began going downwind. James Foster would break huck to Andrew Mahowald for the 1-0 lead. The Carleton Cheaters would move the disc quickly and efficiently to score primarily using flat flick breaks 1-1. The Hodags would waste no time as Animal hits Foster for the score 2-1. The Wisconsin n00bs would be giving the under and Carleton would play it fast as they scored 2-2. With the game tight, Wisconsin would start bringing Muffin off the bench to play offense and Muffin wasted no time hitting Mabrowald deep on an unsuspecting Baylis 3-2. This would actually be the initial unveiling of the coveted “Golden Hand,” which has in instinctive ability to catch any plastic floating near it. CUT would waste little time to put the game at 3-3 as deep shots were finding open receivers downwind. Evan Klane would take some responsibility as he hit Gaynor for the lead 4-3. The Cheaters eventually became concerned and put together some intensity to score on strip upheld by the observer and break upwind to 5-4 despite their lack of versatility. Wisconsin desperately needed to regroup and the lines instantly tightened. The Hodags would fire deep upwind and Gaynor would hit Drew Mahowaldy for his third goal of the game and 5-5 tie. The CUT Cheaters would score and this opened the door for Muffin to make a Pontiac Game Changing Nominee – as he hucked sonic boom to a floating Skywalker who would put nut sacks on foreheads for the sky 6-6. Wisconsin would stack the last line before half – needing a break to stay on serve. Taking advantage of the last timeout, Madison broke CUT as Rebholz hit Gaynor for his third goal of the game 7-6 half. Wisconsin would faint on the way to the sideline, scrounging for Chex Mix and Ibuprofen. The Cheaters would be decorating their sideline with garland and streamers and giving spirited pep talks about positivity. It would be a jolly old time and Carleton would respond using love techniques and to hold on offense and break again to lead 8-7. Muffin would only sigh as he staggered back to the offensive line – Malecek had played the last 5 points and staved off a break twice before half. It would be all out from here and with the Hodag Offense continually giving up breaks, the lines further tightened to players of only purestud status. The halfstuds were left in the wake and Jake was so enthralled with the action that he abandoned the video camera to yell for his bros. Muffin would come to play and found his roommate Andrew “The Golden Hand” Skywalker Mabrowald for the brutal catch in space 8-8. The Cheaters would begin an age old Carleton tradition of using the rules to their advantage. They couldn’t help it, with an education from Carleton, you are just plain smarter than your opponent. And these state school boys from Wisconsin are no different as James Foster’s D on Tony was sent back as the observer might have “not exactly seen the play” and Carleton would stave off a break. CUT would actually do some damage and break to take the lead 10-8. The Hodags would call a timeout and discuss the logistics of losing. Excuses were thought about, but Rebholz held the team to a higher standard. He asked for effort and some pride to not lose to these punks. Muffin would head to forefront as he again found Mahowald for the sky 9-10 and then Mahowald again who finished to Seth Meyer for the 10-10 tie. The Cheaters would hold one last time and the hard cap would sound. It basically changed nothing so Wisconsin trotted back to the line going upwind on offense with the game on the line. Rebholz would let the disc fly deep and Mabrowald would sky the pile before resetting to Muffin. Malecek would throw a ballsy stall 9 hammer in Kanner’s eyeball deep into the end zone to Gaynor for the goal and tie the game 11-11. It would be universe point and the sidelines closed in on the field. Wisconsin would call its universe line – Rebholz, Muffin, Animal, Mahowald, Foster, Gaynor, Meyer. Carleton would play it chill on offense as they methodically worked under, under, O2 on the open side all the way to the goal line before winning the race to the cone 12-11. Carleton had done the unimaginable – they had beaten the defending champions, their regional rival in the fall season. Wisconsin cried to sleep that night, knowing we had them, they are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook. That realization was terrible until the Andrew Mahowald went +9 with 6 goals, 1 assist, and 2 D’s. Muffin’s 5 goals and Gaynor’s 3 goals were no match for the Chevrolet player of the game Drew Mabrowald. The purestuds would falter in the end, probably because Animal was forced to play 12 of the last 15 points as well as Muffin and Mabrowald playing 12+ of the last 14. In retrospect, it wasn’t the end of the world, but losing to CUT, even with the team Wisconsin had, was motivating. Wisconsin would watch some of the final as Carleton played a rematch against Mamabird. CUT take their momentum and become too much as they beat National Finalist Colorado on their way to a MLC tournament title with a 15-10 victory.

With that early season wakeup call, Wisconsin will go back to the basics and prepare to win the Classic City Classic in Chattanooga, TN. Highlight videos will likely ensue from Ben Feldman and Hodag jerseys are being ordered. A big thanks to Madison’s MUFA who primarily started the team jersey fund raising. Colors are black, white, and baby blue with both long sleeve and short sleeve options. Stop fantasizing about good it will look and just decide on how many to order. Email to

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Presenting the 2007-2008 Hodags

The 2007-2008 Wisconsin Hodags are 26 strong:
Captain Matt “Rebel Rousa” Rebholz #4
Captain Jimmy “J-Fo” Foster #18
Officer Shane “ManSlutBearPig” Hohenstein #19
Officer Tom “Animal” Annen #17
Workout Coordinator Brandon “Muffin” Malecek #13
K-Fed “Bucket” Riley #7
Will “Bill ‘Fat’ Schlokke” Lokke #9
Andrew “The Golden Hand” Mabrowald #21
Tim “Hypo TP” Pearce #34
Chris “Heydede” Doede #25
Seth “Old Man” Meyer #3
Jon “Jim Raynor” GAYNAH! #14
Evan “Callahan” Klane #38
Adam “Straight” Drews #1
Ben “Hollywood” Feldman #2
Jeremiah “Glutin German” Berlin #12
Cullen “The Chef” Geppert #11
Jon “Mazel Toss” Masler #33
Matt “Old Man” Young #20
Tom “T-Murda’ Tomacide” Murray #15
Zach “Turtle” Ehler #16
Jake “Broken Needham” Smart #6
John “Captain Hook Velociraptor” Bergen #23
Pat “Taller than Thou” Donovan #93
Jon “We Are” Marshall #32
Andy “Mini Washburn” Holt #5

Chris Doede gets the award for hardest worker of the week. Chris managed to mistakenly put 8 pounds in his weight vest instead of his initial 5 before sprinting 6 Bascom hills at various lengths which is about a 30% grade. Doede followed this heroic performance by running 42 floors of stairs with the weight vest on, 21 floors of which he bounded every other step. Doede! Didn't you notice the weight difference? "No, it hurt a lot so I thought that's whats supposed to happen."

Player information can be found here.

The jerseys this year are going to be sweet!

Stay tuned for slow motion and THE GOLDEN HAND!

General updates for the Fall 2007 Hodags:
Wisconsin took split squads of 21 to the Eau Claire Invite as the final part of the tryout process on October 20-21. Wisconsin was able to dominate the competition on Saturday as both teams won their pools, as the closest score was 13-6 on the Lil' Jimmy side. Both teams went to bed confident they would meet in the finals despite Carleton and Whitewater slated for Sunday. The Lil’ Jimmies cruised through their quarterfinals game against Whitewater 13-3, but the Rebel Rousa’s ran up against the tougher of the split squads. Madison’s own, Mike Swain was scoring goals for Whitewater left and right, and even did a running front flip over 9 people laying on the ground with room to spare. Needless to say, he is the next Scott Richgels of Whitewater and was keeping the Warhawks in the game. Superstars Shane “Will Eat Your Soul” Hohenstein, Tom Animal, and Matt “Old Man” Young were pacing the Rebel Rousas and scoring goals all over the field. However, it would take some serious encouragement from the Lil’ Jimmies for the Rebel Rousas to pull off the win and move onto semifinals against Flaming Moe.
The Foster led Lil’ Jimmies were in the other semifinal against Carleton. The CUT tryout team of 35 took a commanding 3-1 lead as Wisconsin stumbled out of the gates. However, the Lil’ Jimmies were able to tighten the game to 4-5 CUT as Foster finally was the only one to score besides Andrew “The Golden Hand” Mabrowald. However, CUT responded and scored 2 in a row for the 7-4 lead and carried it to half 8-5. With only 2 Wisconsin players scoring goals in the first half, something had to change. The Lil’ Jimmies went into a dark place over halftime and I think Riley punched Bill Schlokke in the face to make sure his circuitry was programmed to “big time performance needed.” Despite Fat Lokke, Wisconsin would need a monumental performance to make up this deficit. Wisconsin would steal 2 goals right out of half as handlers Kevin Riley and Evan Klane started firing deep to break back for 8-7. CUT would trade to lead 11-9 and the Lil’ Jimmies were running out of time. Skywalker began asserting himself on defense as “The Golden Hand” could not be stopped as Andrew collected another break from roommate Kevin Federline to tighten the game to 11-10. It would be Ben “Still a Freshman” Feldman who threw the crucial goal to tie the game 11-11. Carleton would hold to make it 12-11, probably with Jerome scoring, assisting, or breaking during the action. However, in the late moments of the game, Wisconsin flipped a switch. The intensity increased, the enthusiasm peaked, and Hodags started making plays. Almost right after another, player by player did something sick and the timeline can only be documented as Bill Schlokke deciding to be a hero, Foster getting a catch D by jumping over Tony’s shoulder, Muffin almost starting a fight with a video camera, (many of these events were documented on film), and Lokke generally skying everybody around him. All of this action got the Hodag faithful riled up and when the Rebel Rousa’s showed up in the closing moments, the waterfull of pain poured. Soon Wisconsin had stolen the lead 13-12 and at 13-13, stole the last 2 to win. One sequence was all Kevin “Bucket” Riley who couldn’t be stopped on the afternoon as he once again bombed deep to Schlokke who immediately found J-Fo for the late game lead 14-13. Evan would hit Jeremiah for the clinching goal after Ben “Not a Freshman Anymore” Feldman’s first ever in-cut layout D. The 15-13 win over CUT would guarantee a rematch of Wisconsin tryout teams in the finals. A heartfelt victory speech was more than enough to get the Lil’ Jimmies excited for the pinnacle of the Hodag tryout process. It was the last stage, finals of the Eau Claire Chillout, and it would be a battle to prove exactly why you deserve to be Hodag. However, several veteran Jimmies had to de-cleat like fatties K-Fed and Schlokke in particular – which put a lot of pressure on the up-‘n-comers (Sophomores) in Feldman and German. Both would take charge and lead the team in basically all categories of goals, assists, D's, turns, and drops. It was a good fight and the Lil’ Jimmies closed the score to 9-7 late, after barely surviving a ruthless Rebel Rousa OATB attempt. Those damn Rebel Rousas took down the house and with a late run – took the title with a 15-9 finish. As tryouts concluded, many questions arose. Who played well? How many Hodags are too many? Who could possibly be Gaynor’s buddy? There were really no clear cut answers, and after hours of deliberation and not doing schoolwork, the final 26 were most difficultly selected. The strategy of taking the instant best team possible blends intricately with building a program and developing talent. In the end, it was concluded that everybody would get the opportunity to play ultimate this season, and a strong core of Pimpdags keeps the Hodag healthy and fierce. The Pimps have some serious talent and the duel coaching with be crucial from alumni Brian Frederick and Harvard alum Jack Darsh. That first outrageous number of 110 players has dwindled to the elite, to the players who have the time and who can hang with the big boys. At Wisconsin, that number is at 50+ as the Pimpdags can bring a reliable squad of 30+ players to practice.
With the new dynasty team built, there was one more thing – Club Nationals. Missing Halloween in Madison to go to Sarasota, FL on Wednesday is an awesome trade and 6 current Hodags were able to showcase their talents on the Minneapolis team Sub Zero. These are the players who will travel 5 hours on the weekend just to play the best ultimate in the area. That’s dedication and those studs are as followed – Shane “Painzilla” Hohenstein, his partner in crime Will “Spainzilla” Lokke, Andrew “Skywalker” Mahowald, Jimmy “J-Fo” Foster, plus handlers Kevin Riley and Muffin Malecek. Become familiar with these names because these are the players who will dominate all day long and who have now all gained valuable experience. However, the journey was difficult for Sub Zero as Frosty came up short in quarterfinals against a polished San Francisco Jam 15-12. Lokke and Muffin both grabbed Callahans on the weekend, but Schlokke’s was obviously much cooler as he tweaked his 5 foot layout catch D Callahan to "wink" at Bort mid-catch. The quarterfinals loss was similar to a clinic in how to brutalize the mark as Idris, Damien, Bort, and even Bart had any throw they wanted all over the field. I can't tell which burns worse, the needle of a tattoo or the burning sensation of getting trashed on the mark. However, Skywalker redeemed the effort and decided to produce clear video evidence of giving Visor the business on several occasions. Visor refers to Condor "Must be a touchdown day for me" Up-side-down-backwards visor - who gets skied brutally on one deep ball upwind. This is the same guy who at Colorado Cup caught a disc after jumping from OB, claiming to be in, and then demanding to see video footage of it, and then deciding that it was too close to call and sending it back. All on tape. But really, Skywalker gave him the business and the dudes scoober is so dangerous it almost cost Damien his life as Shane was closing in for the garbage pass. Sometimes there is blatant cheating or bending of the rules, and Visor was calling "fastcount" regardless of the pace at stall 8 to gain more time. He definitely wanted to win and "The Golden Hand" served him a platter of delicious layout D's, hand blocks, and balls-on-shoulder skyings. Either way, the Hodags were getting better this summer and many younger players found expanded roles and extra time in on the field for Madison Frontline. Handler Jon Masler got some key looks and worked with backfield dominators in Tom Annen, Evan Klane, and Captain Matt Rebholz. However, the Hodag cutters playing for Frontline became decidedly worse at throwing the disc - as cutters Jon Gaynor, Cullen Geppert, and Tom Murray needed CPR on occasions to get back some of their brutal turnovers. Especially Cullen “The Chef” – he had some awful, awful throws.
Anyway, Hodags were getting better in any way possible in the off season and Muffin is still betting on the perfect season. Wisconsin Hodags have been built to win since 2005 and more importantly, are expected to win. Hodags know it, Whitewater knows it. Anything less than a tournament victory is a failure and the formation of the final 2008 team is a key step to this year’s title run. Hodags travel in packs, and more importantly, in pairs. That was why Wisconsin introduced the buddy system. What better way to introduce this prime event other than hosting the most illustrious and memorable buddy initiation commencement in recent history. This has been a building tradition ever since Jimmy McMurray’s groundbreaking strategy to announce Blue-Black teams in raucous environment of fun. Hodags young and old were matched with their identical twin counterpart or exact opposite in hopes of continuing the tradition of dominating the nation. Big time pickups included Andy Holt becoming the next part of Painzilla with Shane Hohenstein. The Golden Hand will attempt to avoid all mention of the brand SuperGrip as Andrew joins forces with broken Jake Smart. Animal and Muffin will continue their stranglehold on the best buddy look on the Hodags for the fourth straight year. Evan Klane took up some responsibility by taking little freshman Turtle under his wing. Fat Schlokke will attempt to transfer some of his mainframe circuitry to the up-and-coming Madison-based Jon “We Are” Marshall. Tim “TP” Pearce was matched with his exact twin Tom “Murda” Murray. The old men of Seth Meyer and Matt Young will be the best tandem since Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon 4. Chris “Heydede” was nowhere to be seen as he was matched with some player we call Adam Drews? The Bucket of K-Fed was matched with the exact opposite of his body type with Lil’ Bergen. Rebholz, making up for his previous ill matched buddies was given the cream of the handling crop with Mazel Toss. The Chef and Jim RAYNAH was an late round obvious duo considering their destructive and unexpected tactics (Carrier drop? I mean really?). And that just left two sophomores. Hollywood Feldman matched with German Berlin. That should be an interesting development to follow.
But really – Buddies are essential because this is your new guy. Say hi to your new best friend! He will talk to you, help you with your homework, rub your back, force you to lift before practice, compete against you on the track, give you girlfriend advice, be your talk on the field, and generally have your back when things get hot.

Missouri Loves Company

As we continue our journey with the “Hodag experience,” our next stop for fall ultimate is MLC. The captains decided that this would be an optional tournament and many of the Hodag Studs elected to nurse their wounds and stay home as Wisconsin was without TP, K-Fed, Fat Schlokke, Hohenstein, Dades, Tomacide, and even newcomers Tall Pat and Mini Zach Washburn. Jim Foster wasn’t running on full steam and Muffin was mostly broken, but dominating on command whenever the Hodags needed a score. Saturday morning was windy and chilly as the 3 Wisconsin cars were forced to pay $5 for parking to some guy in a pickup truck. The Hodags were generally upset about school and were especially not happy about getting in so late on Friday night. These tensions caused the Hodags to punish Indiana in the first game 11-1. Indiana probably dropped the disc 10 times. Wisconsin probably scored their end zone set 9 times. It would have been a compete shutout and double OATBAG before Glutin got beaten deep at 7-1. Many of the young guns provided the early scoring as Feldman, Jeremiah, and Bergen scored at least 2 points. The Buckets of Texas State were the Hodag's second game and were determined to play hard and spill their hearts out. Matt Rebholz would huck deep to Feldman to tie the game 1-1 early. Then Texas State gained some confidence as they stole a 3-1 lead as a Cullen drop provided their break opportunity. Wisconsin would respond and break to 3-3 as Muffin found Mabrowald deep. The Hodags were content to being average and traded to 5-5 before the C-Monster was able to find Foster for the break 6-5 to halftime. The Bucket’s even had the nerve to tie the game at 7-7 after half. Animal would connect with Seth Meyer to steal back the lead to 9-7 and Wisconsin would hold out to an 11-9 win as Skywalker sealed the deal on his 4th goal of the game. Feldman, Rebholz and Muffin would all throw 2 goals in the solid win, closer than usual, but still a win with only 16 players. The third game would be against Minnesota, who also thought they could match-up with Wisconsin and make a game of it. This was a new Wisconsin team, only a shell of the National Champions the year before and without the swagger and dominant defensive principles. When Wisconsin is firing on all cylinders, games are over by halftime and other teams crumble under the pressure. At MLC and without many starters, the defensive intensity was not quite overwhelming, allowing the other team to hold on offensive possessions. Why you ask? Because the top studs were playing both ways and the D line was stacked with several n00bs on every point. Anyway, Minnesota took command and scored to start the game before the reoccurring theme of Rebholz firing deep to Feldman to tie the game 1-1. Matt would score the next goal for Wisconsin from Andrew as the game traded to 2-2. Muffin decided he had seen enough of Charlie Reznikoff’s wide grin on the sideline and promptly hucked deep to Foster for the first break 3-2. Muffin would hit Rebholz O2 for the second break as Wisconsin jumped to 4-2 advantage. Minnesota would respond to 4-3 and the Rebel Rousa would continue to punish Minnesota as Matt found Jim Raynor for the goal now 5-3 Wisconsin. Mabrowald would hit Foster for the goal and 6-4 halftime lead. Rebholz’s quarterback passer rating was above 140.5 as he had scored in 4 of his first 5 points. Coming out of half, it was Tom Brady-esque as Foster would hit Rebholz for the goal now stretching the lead to 7-4. Minnesota would fire up and score and break, probably with Beastmaster doing something cool. Wisconsin would shut the door here as captains Foster and Rebholz found each other for the score now 8-6. Matt Young would get on the board, catching a goal from Gaynah and the Animal/Muffin buddy duo would break Grey Duck to lead 10-6. Foster would collect his 5th fantasy point of the game as Feldman found J-Fo for the final goal 11-7. Rebholz would give Minnesota the business as his +6 performance in 9 points was evidence enough. Both Texas State and Minnesota thought that they could play with Wisconsin early – that’s why it will be sweet when the Hodags crush them both later in the season. The last game of the day was against Ohio State. Problem was, Wisconsin was not able to win this last game against the Buckeyes fast enough to watch the heralded Colorado vs. Carleton game. Turns out that Colorado won in a blowout like 11-6 over CUT. Anyway, Ohio State was really angry and fired up with the Hodags as it was 3-3 early. Then we asked Cullen “The C-Monster” Geppert to administer a second half OATBAG, which would ease the pain and suffering of the Madcow. The C-Monster would collect 4 goals, 2 D’s, and 1 assist as no one else contributed more than 3 fantasy points as Wisconsin sprinted to a 10-3 lead. The game would close with an 11-4 win and with “The Chef” bragging about his +7 stat line, Wisconsin was feeling good. The pizza at the fields was perfect as Wisconsin stretched and cooled down, anticipating low numbers to make the legs hurt just a little bit more. Animal, Mabrowald, and Gaynah took most of the load, playing an average of 9 points per game. That evening, while every other team but CUT and Colorado got absolutely blasted in the tournament hotel, Wisconsin studied and slept, watching only the best Indian music videos youtube had to offer.