Monday, April 23, 2007

Wisconsin Sectionals

The College Championship Series marks the end of the pre-season and the beginning of what really matters – Wisconsin Sectionals. The 2007 Lake Superior Open Sectionals was a sweet tournament, especially considering it was in nearby Whitewater for the second straight year. The Wisconsin Hodags came out determined to have fun and bring it to the Pimp-dags. The problem was – Wisconsin had to face Eau Claire before the trash talking Pimps would be feeling the pain. With all the early built up aggression, Eau Claire got the worst of it as Shane “Caution Tape” Hohenstein skied for a deep D and immediately launched a 50 yard thumber straight down the sideline to Bobby Lau for the lead 2-0. On Q-Tip’s first point of the weekend, Dan skied for a D and threw a 15 yard in-cut no-look chicken wing. After that turn, Q-tip got a poach D and proceeded to let one loose deep with a huge scoober 4-0. Quick turns led to quick scores as stifling defense put the game out of reach early as Madison rolled to 13-1 victory. With the Hodags looking as dominant as ever, Eau Claire rested their starters in anticipation of a difficult weekend.

The Pimp-dags were letting the Hodags know all week about how hard they would come out. With players still ready to prove why they belong on the next level, it would be a battle of wills. Literally, it was Will Lokke versus Will Yu in the competition of who was more of a minority. Wisconsin was so serious that when the game began, the Hodags called the only line of Saturday on the first point – all n00b line. As the players were called and ran through the chunnel, Jack Marsh – wearing a purple suit calmly walked through the chunnel more diplomatically than a politician, shaking hands and waving to parents and fans. With Marsh & Co. strapping it on, the Pimps struck first 1-0 on a fearless point, finally punching it in downwind. The Hodags responded as Jumpsuit Heijmen vowed revenge and scored all 7 goals for the 7-1 lead and OATBAG. The second half was filled with wind, but the Hodags got it together and won 13-4 in a well played game. With the Pimps vanquished and a 2-0 start in the pool, Wisconsin switched fields and thanked the many parents who came to watch the slaughter. This is when the wind really picked up and Madison began having a competition of who could throw the disc farthest downwind. Pretty sure Foster hit the football goal post from about 105 with the double S curve. But at this point, the Hodags had degenerated to games like who can wrestle Jim “I have a better goatee than Captain Morgan” Foster to the ground in a fit of laughter and who could flex better than Will “These pants look incredible on me” Lokke. “Operation Caution Scene” was in the midst of total domination, winning the third game over Michigan Tech 13-5 and crushing on kids. On the last game of Sunday against Stevens Point Homegrown, when Hodags were feeling that sunburn, something ludicrous happened. In the many memorable Sectionals moments over the past years: we have the winner for most ridiculous ever.
First nominee – Mike Bevers – after being fingered by out by Phil Altman as the only player in the history of Hodags to never record a D in his career, Mike promptly caught the first in-cut for a D and spiked it.
Second nominee – Jimmy McMurray – while wearing a tie around his forehead, makes a ridiculously huge layout attempt where he D’s the disc and lands on almost directly on his face. Jimmy instantly passes out midair as soon as he macks the D and lays on his face asleep until he is revived and carried off the field.
Third nominee – Matt Scallet – the Hodags were in their last game of Saturday and the day was waning to a close. Jim Foster hucks the disc deep to Scallet downwind and as Scallet surveys the end zone with 3-4 Hodags looking to score, Matt cannot decide what to do. When the stall count reached 8, Scallet let a backhand rip… upwind for the punt. The 50 yard upwind huck for a dump found a 3 on 1 match-up. Somehow Muffin skies the 2 defenders, turns 90 degrees and immediately rips the biggest downwind hammer ever, this 65 yard cross field yard hammer finds Animal right in the chest in the back of the end zone, only yards away from where Scallet stands.

With spectacular plays that took real nerve to pull off, the Hodags celebrated the 4-0 pool victory by winning the last game by many over Stevens Point. Madison had earned a birth into finals for Sunday and after poking fun at Richter for his blazing orange hair at 2004 Nationals – Wisconsin packed it up and headed for home.

Sunday would be a new day and a very windy day, with gusts hitting 25-30 mph in a straight upwind-downwind game. Jim Foster came ready to play as he combined with Jack Marsh for 4 of our first 5 goals as Madison traded to a 5-4 lead. The beginning of the day intensity was somewhat lacking. The Defensive O was working the disc but could not punch in the goal with several misses in the upwind end zone. Eventually with some zone, Wisconsin got a quick turn near midfield and Muffin found Heijmen for the first upwind break 6-4. With a universe line on the field, Madison takes the downwinder and extends the lead to 7-4 with Animal finding Heijmen. Half comes at 8-5 as Mr. Milly finds Foster and with Whitewater receiving going down wind, it would be 8-6. Thanks to the heroics of David Schleicher who got a sick layout poach D to save a goal and even snagged a for sure D from Dan Miller in a hospital pass pile, Sub-Par was hanging around. Animal throws his second goal of the game to Jim “unguardable” Foster for the 9-6 lead. Whitewater continues to punt and stick in downwinders as the game hits 10-8. The O-face continues to look confident as Jack Marsh finds Dan Miller for a sky 11-8. Wisconsin grabs another D near the Whitewater up wind end zone and Muffin quickly finds Heijmen again for the break upwind 12-8. However, Madison can’t shove it back downwind as Sub-Par scores upwind to bring the game to 12-9. With the opportunity to make it a game, the O-face closes the door and calmly works it all the way up the field to Miller for the 13-9 lead. The D is so pumped from the upwinder, Madison scores downwind as Feldman finds the dominator himself Hejimen for the 14-9 lead. The Wisconsin Hodags win the Section 15-10 and move onto Regionals with the #1 seed. Madtown snaps a picture and moves fields to cheer on the Pimp-dags and to continue practicing. The Pimps are down like 10-7 and fight back to 11-11 before closing the door 15-12 in a huge battle with Stevens Point. So all 3 Wisconsin teams move on as Bella dominated all weekend, also winning the title.


Regular said...

You forgot one nominee for most ridiculous Hodag play at sectionals ever. Matthew Rebholz steps out to throw a giant flick, but insted rips it between his legs, through his defenders legs, and 50 yards downfield to complete the huck to Freddy.

Lex said...

Stevens Point - no apostrophe please!

Anonymous said...

That mardi-gras video is siiiiick!